The Pointless Observation Emporium

[Huaco Kid]

I only pulled really, really, really low, once.

 

they didn't let me back for a long time.

[Huaco Kid]

I only landed three towns away, once.

It wasn't my fault.

I only followed the leader.

[Huaco Kid]

It's in my logbook.  They did a "Chevy Demo".

Me and another guy, (i followed him) landed in some old lady's garden.

[Huaco Kid]

And, on a motorcycle alone, probably puts me on the "never achievable" average getting-air list.

[Huaco Kid]

And even those bicycle ones,  with bricks and boards in the street,  which should have been a two-second-air,  but turned into 45 seconds?

[Huaco Kid]

I had a sno-bob.  A bicycle with skis.  From Sears catalog.

It was wicked cool.  So dangerously fast.

So we once rolled a snowball,  almost as big as a house,  and since there was nothing to do with it,  we rolled it down a guy's back yard.

It smashed at full velocity.

So we stomped it and made a jump ramp as big as a house.

John bumbaugh was crazier than the rest of us, so he sno-bobbed it. 

But our back yards were really steep, so he hit 175mph.

And was in the air for, like, fifteen seconds. really.

And he landed it!

But.

The handlebars broke at the neck and he went forward,  dutifully holding the bars with a death-grip, the whole way,  and fell forward and cut a gash, from the jagged neck, from his wrist to his elbow.

Someone took him to the hospital.

I think.

We were mad that the snobob was broke.

 

[Huaco Kid]

I had my dirt bike a while.

My best friend, Tim, had his brand-spanking-new Kawasaki.

This most difficult,  unachievable,  death-kill (it took me twenty times to get it) uphill,  in the back yard (told you they were steep),  screaming hill.

I made it.

He made it halfway.

He was still blasting up rocks, with his face, as his brand new prize righted itself and started rolling downhill.

So he grabbed for it!

And caught it! 

Right around the back wheel!

Right where his finger went into the back sprocket and got cut off.

So we were close to his house.

Someone took him to the hospital.

I guess.

Me and his brother went to get the bike and we found his finger.

It was water under the bridge by then.  I guess he's still got it.

You don't want to see that.

Edited September 7, 2019 by Huaco Kid

[Huaco Kid]

We had a rope swing,  upon the very steep back yard.  So the rope-knot was at crotch level when you jumped on,  but you were 50' up at max swing.

So...  I don't know where we got the mattress,  but we found  a mattress and decided to put it under the swing,  swing out, and let go!

I did it.  I'm a skinny floater.

Bob Marski did it.  He's a big galloot.  I think he did it a couple times.

Except for that one time.

The "snap" sound almost made us all vomit.

So now there's Bob, big as a galoot, with his calf all bent 90 degrees sideways,  all sprawled across the mattress, arms and legs hanging out,  writhing in pain.

We got Mom.  But Bob's a galoot.  She couldn't help.

Someone called his dad.

So... his gigantic-huge galloot dad decided to drive his full-dresser Harley down the (very steep) hill,  tie the mattress onto the back, and drag him uphill!

So now there's Bob,  in excruciating pain, arms and legs all dragging around,  while his galoot dad was pulling wicked wheelies,  all uphill,  while throwing rooster-tails of sod and dirt and rocks all in Bob's face.

He was too big to get in a car,  so we put him,  mattress and all,  into the back of a pickup truck.

He had the cast for a year.

[Huaco Kid]

Bob was 6+ foot in junior high and shaved every day.

He could buy us gunpowder, guns, beer, whatever we wanted.

In 8th grade.

 

[Eric]

Why do Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

[tous]

Lobbying effort by the Navel Lint Benevolent Association.

[SC Tiger]

On 9/7/2019 at 3:12 AM, Huaco Kid said:

We wear helmets so we don't get brain damage,  hitting the ground at 120mph.

How many jumps before you decided to wear one? 

[Bish1309]

2 hours ago, Eric said:

Why do Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

Template for the future?

[janice6]

On 9/7/2019 at 2:07 AM, Huaco Kid said:

You can tell if it's real, or pleather, if the corners wear off.

Also the durability to teeth marks.

[janice6]

2 hours ago, Bish1309 said:

Template for the future?

Anticipation of wall chargers...…………………..  It didn't work out.

[Nestor]

6 hours ago, Eric said:

Why do Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

Ask my Mother.

[gwalchmai]

On 9/13/2019 at 2:38 PM, Eric said:

Why do Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

Because they were made in God's image, and God has a belly button.

[janice6]

I think it was the first joke of, "push here, and watch my beer".

[Batesmotel]

On 8/9/2019 at 12:18 PM, Dric902 said:

I thought getting old would take longer

I didn’t think I’d live this long. 

[Batesmotel]

On 9/5/2019 at 12:37 AM, railfancwb said:

Didn’t it take Edison and his motion pictures to show that running horses sometimes have all four feet in the air?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It was a photographer named Edward Muybridge. He used a bunch of cameras in a row with trip wires attached to each shutter. 

His early studies on motion were groundbreaking. 

[janice6]

15 hours ago, Batesmotel said:

It was a photographer named Edward Muybridge. He used a bunch of cameras in a row with trip wires attached to each shutter. 

His early studies on motion were groundbreaking. 

Your post had me look up his biography.  He was a most interesting individual.  Thanks.

[Eric]

Isn’t every stick figure ever drawn, a black guy wearing White-Face?

[tadbart]

On ‎9‎/‎7‎/‎2019 at 4:12 AM, Huaco Kid said:

We had a rope swing,  upon the very steep back yard.  So the rope-knot was at crotch level when you jumped on,  but you were 50' up at max swing.

So...  I don't know where we got the mattress,  but we found  a mattress and decided to put it under the swing,  swing out, and let go!

I did it.  I'm a skinny floater.

Bob Marski did it.  He's a big galloot.  I think he did it a couple times.

Except for that one time.

The "snap" sound almost made us all vomit.

So now there's Bob, big as a galoot, with his calf all bent 90 degrees sideways,  all sprawled across the mattress, arms and legs hanging out,  writhing in pain.

We got Mom.  But Bob's a galoot.  She couldn't help.

Someone called his dad.

So... his gigantic-huge galloot dad decided to drive his full-dresser Harley down the (very steep) hill,  tie the mattress onto the back, and drag him uphill!

So now there's Bob,  in excruciating pain, arms and legs all dragging around,  while his galoot dad was pulling wicked wheelies,  all uphill,  while throwing rooster-tails of sod and dirt and rocks all in Bob's face.

He was too big to get in a car,  so we put him,  mattress and all,  into the back of a pickup truck.

He had the cast for a year.

Jesus, Guac.

 

you tell a tale better than Steven King or Ed Poe.

Whatever you're on, stay on it!

[Eric]

Why does Weight Watchers use Oprah Winfrey for a spokesperson when she hasn’t lost any weight?

[janice6]

1 hour ago, Eric said:

Why does Weight Watchers use Oprah Winfrey for a spokesperson when she hasn’t lost any weight?

She bought 10% shares of the company.  She was to be the Golden spokeswoman to bring in huge money.

Now she hasn't any value and the CEO is out.  The company stock is down.  

Oprah seemed to think that anything she touched turned to Gold.  The Ghetto touch so to speak.  Well, it turned into the reverse Midas Touch, where everything you touch turn to **it.  this is the real ghetto touch.