The Pointless Observation Emporium

[Huaco Kid]

On 11/15/2019 at 3:12 PM, SC Tiger said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me and Tim were once throwing snowballs at cars.  We were up a very steep hill,  so we were safe.  He still had all his fingers, then.  We nailed a car, "Bam! Bam!"

The car screeched to a halt and someone jumped out and started running uphill...  way too fast.

I did a rabbit.  Lay flat in the brush and tightly close your eyes.  I think Tim did too. 

But then I heard the ruckus.  We were way up the hill.   Tim got caught.  After much screaming,  I stood up and surrendered.

It was a, like, 90 year old lady that had scrambled and nailed us.  She had Tim by the scruff.  She was madder than ten wet hens.  And could really cuss.

We gave her fake names of some kids we didn't like and pointed to their houses when asked.

That's the last we heard of it.

[Huaco Kid]

Dad brought home a wooden telephone-wire spool that he was going to make a porch-table out of.

But we got it first,  turned it on it's side,  and gave it a slight nudge down the backyard.  It might have been steep.

We should have known,  but didn't really expect it to hit warp-speed.  A lot of momentum.

It hit the ditch at the bottom of the hill and jumped completely over the road.  It would have cleared three or four roads.

And it blasted through the fence,  scared the crap out of all the horses,  and they all ran out through the hole.

It wasn't hard to trace the carnage,  through all the small broken trees,  with the ruts it made and the track through the scrub and line up the trajectory directly to our backyard.

So... we really got yelled at.  It took them a couple days to find all the horses and get them back.

And Dad was really cheesed,  so he made us bring the spool back.

We could either roll it several miles,  in a roundabout way,  up the paved roads.  But we decided to drag it directly up the (very) steep 1/4 mile hill.  It took us all day.

[jmohme]

On 11/10/2019 at 3:27 PM, Dric902 said:

I’ve yet to realize that particular aspect of spinach, okra, or brussel sprouts.

 

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Spinach is ok raw, Brussel sprouts are edible in a pinch, but okra is a weed and should be mowed to the ground!

[janice6]

Just now, jmohme said:

Spinach is ok raw, Brussel sprouts are edible in a pinch, but okra is a weed and should be mowed to the ground!

My food groups are Sugar, Salt, fat, alcohol, and carbon.  My vegetable  concession is that I love boiled Spinach from the can and with a lot of melted Butter.  It's odd but I have always liked it.  I admit to no health benefit from it.

I first saw Okra in Charleston, SC.  I had them remove it from my plate, along with the wallpaper paste.  Okra has too many colors to be beneficial.

Edited December 20, 2019 by janice6

[jmohme]

1 minute ago, janice6 said:

My food groups are Sugar, Salt, fat, alcohol, and carbon.  My vegetable  concession is that I love boiled Spinach from the can and with a lot of melted Butter.  It's odd but I have always liked it.  I admit to no health benefit from it.

I first saw Okra in Charleston, SC.  I had them remove it from my plate, along with the wallpaper paste.

My Dad loved okra and would grow it every year. My mother tried every way she could think of to prepare it and my Dad would always like it. I, on the other hand, have never had it any way that I would consider it to be edible.

Weeds I say!

[janice6]

Just now, jmohme said:

My Dad loved okra and would grow it every year. My mother tried every way she could think of to prepare it and my Dad would always like it. I, on the other hand, have never had it any way that I would consider it to be edible.

Weeds I say!

I have to admit to never having been exposed to certain "Southern" foods in my youth, and as in keeping with my personal attitude towards food, if I haven't had it before, I will not have it at all.  I found more conventional (to me) Southern cooking much to my liking because it's actually cooked!  I won't eat "fresh" vegetables 'cause they aren't cooked!

I don't eat for the enjoyment but to solve a hunger problem.  If I don't have a problem (hunger) my wife gets frustrated, because I may not eat for a day or two.  The result is when I eat, I am not adventurous and don't want to experience any "new taste sensation.  I want what I'm used to, fixed the way I'm used to, and in the form I'm used to.

My wife thanks God for me because she isn't a good cook (by her own claims) but I don't care since I like burned stuff anyway.

[Huaco Kid]

We were in the field,  on the not-so-steep side of the hill,  playing in the hay.  And we had smokebombs.  And the closest neighbor was up a tall ladder,  doing something to his house.  And we had smokebombs.

So,  like an Indian would,  we threw smokebombs at him.

Then,  like Indians,  we ran away and forgot about it.

We were way down the block when we saw the smoke.  We had set the field on fire.

Someone had seen,  and recognized us,  and narced on us.  Busted.

And we didn't know that the flames had melted the power line to their house,  and killed their electricity,  and the lady had just filled the deep-freeze with meat,  and she had just gotten out of surgery.

So the cops had us lined up and sitting on the curb,  threatening to arrest us,  with a thousand neighborhood kids and parents standing around gawking at us,  while it took two cops to hold the ten-wet-chickens-mad lady, on crutches, back while she was trying to crush our skulls with her crutches.

In the end,  we learned that if you set the field on fire one time,  you'll get blamed every time it catches on fire.  For the rest of your life.

[Huaco Kid]

We were once walking home,  after dark,  in a massive snowstorm.  It had snowed several feet,  and everyone on the street had parked their cars in the road,  so they could get to work in the morning.

We thought it would be fun to stuff everyone's tailpipe full of snow.

The next morning,  walking to the bus stop,  we passed dozens of Dad's,  all cussing and cursing,  with their hoods up,  late for work,  trying to get their cars started.

It was magnificent!  Best prank evar!

But then...   later,  someone realized that only four Dad's cars had started and they drove off.

Our dads.

Busted.

 

[jmohme]

2 minutes ago, Huaco Kid said:

We were once walking home,  after dark,  in a massive snowstorm.  It had snowed several feet,  and everyone on the street had parked their cars in the road,  so they could get to work in the morning.

We thought it would be fun to stuff everyone's tailpipe full of snow.

The next morning,  walking to the bus stop,  we passed dozens of Dad's,  all cussing and cursing,  with their hoods up,  late for work,  trying to get their cars started.

It was magnificent!  Best prank evar!

But then...   later,  someone realized that only four Dad's cars had started and they drove off.

Our dads.

Busted.

 

I had an equipment mechanic that worked for me who told me about a prank he and his friend had pulled were they went to the local Ford dealer late at night and stole all of the hubcaps, took them to the Chevy dealer, put them on the Chevy's and then back to the Ford dealer.

They had so much fun that they went back the next weekend to do pickup tailgates and yes, the got caught.

[Huaco Kid]

After so long,  some new neighbors had moved in across the street.

He had just gotten out of the Army,  so he was a little rough around the edges.

And he had seven little kids,  so he was always pretty stressed.  And angry.

By then,  we were old enough to get our asses kicked.  Even for stuff we didn't do.

So we didn't mess with the neighborhood much after he took a disliking to us.

[Huaco Kid]

We had the Cox Shrike.

It was a green car with a backwards engine with a propeller on it.  It was meant to run on a string, in circles.  At 1000mph.

After a bit,  we were just letting it blast,  unteathered, up the road.  We decided it needed more "ooph".  So we taped a D Estes rocket engine to it.  It went a little better.

So we did two D engines.  It went a little better.

So we did,  I don't know,  five or seven engines on it.  But they didn't all light synchronously.

Instead of going straight up the road,  it immediately went 90 degrees sideways,  and went all whirling-dervish,  psychotically, on the Army guy's front porch.  While little kids were there.

I don't know exactly which ass whoopin' that was,  but it was one of them.

[Huaco Kid]

We had the Shrike on it's circle string,  in the cul-de-sac.  The circle was so big that it looked like it was actually going pretty slow,  at 1000mph.

All the little kids thought it was fun to stand in the middle and jump-rope the string when it went around.  They were having a blast.  We had been doing it all day.

Until one kid (Billy Bishop?) missed,  and the string caught his ankle. 

Now the circle was much smaller, and 1000mph looked much more like 1000mph.  And made it nowhere near the expected course.

So it snagged three or four kids,  as the circle quickly diminished to zero...

with a car, with an open propeller, screaming at all of their ankles at once.

They didn't get hurt too bad.

[janice6]

Just now, Huaco Kid said:

We were once walking home,  after dark,  in a massive snowstorm.  It had snowed several feet,  and everyone on the street had parked their cars in the road,  so they could get to work in the morning.

We thought it would be fun to stuff everyone's tailpipe full of snow.

The next morning,  walking to the bus stop,  we passed dozens of Dad's,  all cussing and cursing,  with their hoods up,  late for work,  trying to get their cars started.

It was magnificent!  Best prank evar!

But then...   later,  someone realized that only four Dad's cars had started and they drove off.

Our dads.

Busted.

 

At our high school we were clever also.  For the fun of seeing a potato flying across the road, we jammed them into a few tailpipes.  The road had blown mufflers and tailpipes on the ground when the pressure wouldn't move the potatoes.  There was a lot of denying that day my friend.

[TBO]

 

[Dric902]

Who was the first person to look at Okra, Spinach, and Brussel Sprouts and thought........oh yeah, that should be food.

probably the first guy to look at an oyster and said...yummm!

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[railfancwb]

Who was the first person to look at Okra, Spinach, and Brussel Sprouts and thought........oh yeah, that should be food.
probably the first guy to look at an oyster and said...yummm!
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I wonder that about many food items. Some food items are poisonous until after certain treatments. How did people learn/develop the treatments.


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[holyjohnson]

Bolongna is a Hot Dog Pancake.

[Eric]

5 minutes ago, holyjohnson said:

Bolongna is a Hot Dog Pancake.

Bologna is basically just a REALLY big hot dog sliced into thin slices. 
 

[holyjohnson]

On 12/26/2019 at 5:00 PM, Eric said:

Bologna is basically just a REALLY big hot dog sliced into thin slices. 
 

no, that cant be i hate a fried Hot dog, but i love fried Bolongna.

[Eric]

45 minutes ago, holyjohnson said:

no, that cant be i hate a fried Hot dog, but i love fried Bolongna.

Lips and assholes are lips and assholes, no matter how you shape them. 

[janice6]

2 hours ago, Eric said:

Lips and assholes are lips and assholes, no matter how you shape them. 

My father said the same thing!

[jmohme]

But what if you are a ho?

 

 

At that point, aren't you the merchandise?

Edited January 11, 2020 by jmohme

[janice6]

3 hours ago, jmohme said:

But what if you are a ho?

 

 

At that point, aren't you the merchandise?

So, would you tell them you'll hold their merchandise till they come out of the bathroom.

Never underestimate the benefits of courtesy.

[holyjohnson]

is there only a Stairway to Heaven, but a Highway to Hell due to expected Traffic.

[railfancwb]

On 8/19/2019 at 1:51 AM, Dric902 said:

I was just telling the wife today that the local power company has been changing out the wooden power poles with aluminum ones. Made gravel paths for the trucks, poured the foundations, placed the poles built wooden frames across three highways, laced the lines and adjusted the tension, packed up and left.

the street department has been working on the same small intersection since two weeks before, and they still haven’t finished.

one is a private company, the other are public employees

 

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There is a major highway - mostly interstate - junction area north of town. I used to joke that highway department engineers made that area their career - hire on, get assigned, redesign over and over, eventually retire. 

In hindsight I’m not sure it was a joke.