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The Pointless Observation Emporium


Eric
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Best believe somebody's payin' the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the
Fact that I can't get by with my nine to
Five and I can't provide the right type of
Life for my family 'cause man, these God damn food stamps don't buy diapers

(this is where it gets fast.  You need to know this.  Goodbye Felicia.  Or go home.)


And its no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer
This is my life and these times are so hard
And it's getting even harder tryin' to feed and water my seed, plus
See dishonor caught up between bein' a father and a prima-donna
Baby mama drama screamin' on and too much
For me to want to say in one spot, another jam or not
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail I've got
To formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfuckin' option, failures not
Mom, I love you, but this trail has got to go, I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot
Feet fail me not 'cause maybe the only opportunity that I got

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On 9/7/2019 at 2:51 AM, Huaco Kid said:

I'm documented in my skydiving logbook. 

It probably averages out to be a minuscule amount,  but you can't catch me.

Except for Michael Jordon.

He's an earthbound jagoff.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 2:55 AM, Huaco Kid said:

We could've outdunked him.  But we couldn't have basketballs and stuff.

We once took a box of french-fries.

But they're really hard to catch and they all got away.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 2:57 AM, Huaco Kid said:

I took a 110 camera on my wrist.

I didn't get in trouble,  but you can't do that.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:07 AM, Huaco Kid said:

You can tell if it's real, or pleather, if the corners wear off.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:07 AM, Huaco Kid said:

1.jpg.76226f069521f8b567a8d369f5bdc5ce.jpg

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:08 AM, Huaco Kid said:

I can tell by the flap,  that I'm under canopy.

If not,  that's why you shouldn't have a camera.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:12 AM, Huaco Kid said:

We wear helmets so we don't get brain damage,  hitting the ground at 120mph.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:14 AM, Huaco Kid said:

I only pulled really, really, really low, once.

 

they didn't let me back for a long time.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:16 AM, Huaco Kid said:

I only landed three towns away, once.

It wasn't my fault.

I only followed the leader.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:17 AM, Huaco Kid said:

It's in my logbook.  They did a "Chevy Demo".

Me and another guy, (i followed him) landed in some old lady's garden.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:28 AM, Huaco Kid said:

And, on a motorcycle alone, probably puts me on the "never achievable" average getting-air list.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:31 AM, Huaco Kid said:

And even those bicycle ones,  with bricks and boards in the street,  which should have been a two-second-air,  but turned into 45 seconds?

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:39 AM, Huaco Kid said:

I had a sno-bob.  A bicycle with skis.  From Sears catalog.

It was wicked cool.  So dangerously fast.

So we once rolled a snowball,  almost as big as a house,  and since there was nothing to do with it,  we rolled it down a guy's back yard.

It smashed at full velocity.

So we stomped it and made a jump ramp as big as a house.

John bumbaugh was crazier than the rest of us, so he sno-bobbed it. 

But our back yards were really steep, so he hit 175mph.

And was in the air for, like, fifteen seconds. really.

And he landed it!

But.

The handlebars broke at the neck and he went forward,  dutifully holding the bars with a death-grip, the whole way,  and fell forward and cut a gash, from the jagged neck, from his wrist to his elbow.

Someone took him to the hospital.

I think.

We were mad that the snobob was broke.

 

 

On 9/7/2019 at 3:52 AM, Huaco Kid said:

I had my dirt bike a while.

My best friend, Tim, had his brand-spanking-new Kawasaki.

This most difficult,  unachievable,  death-kill (it took me twenty times to get it) uphill,  in the back yard (told you they were steep),  screaming hill.

I made it.

He made it halfway.

He was still blasting up rocks, with his face, as his brand new prize righted itself and started rolling downhill.

So he grabbed for it!

And caught it! 

Right around the back wheel!

Right where his finger went into the back sprocket and got cut off.

So we were close to his house.

Someone took him to the hospital.

I guess.

Me and his brother went to get the bike and we found his finger.

It was water under the bridge by then.  I guess he's still got it.

You don't want to see that.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 4:12 AM, Huaco Kid said:

We had a rope swing,  upon the very steep back yard.  So the rope-knot was at crotch level when you jumped on,  but you were 50' up at max swing.

So...  I don't know where we got the mattress,  but we found  a mattress and decided to put it under the swing,  swing out, and let go!

I did it.  I'm a skinny floater.

Bob Marski did it.  He's a big galloot.  I think he did it a couple times.

Except for that one time.

The "snap" sound almost made us all vomit.

So now there's Bob, big as a galoot, with his calf all bent 90 degrees sideways,  all sprawled across the mattress, arms and legs hanging out,  writhing in pain.

We got Mom.  But Bob's a galoot.  She couldn't help.

Someone called his dad.

So... his gigantic-huge galloot dad decided to drive his full-dresser Harley down the (very steep) hill,  tie the mattress onto the back, and drag him uphill!

So now there's Bob,  in excruciating pain, arms and legs all dragging around,  while his galoot dad was pulling wicked wheelies,  all uphill,  while throwing rooster-tails of sod and dirt and rocks all in Bob's face.

He was too big to get in a car,  so we put him,  mattress and all,  into the back of a pickup truck.

He had the cast for a year.

 

On 9/7/2019 at 4:29 AM, Huaco Kid said:

Bob was 6+ foot in junior high and shaved every day.

He could buy us gunpowder, guns, beer, whatever we wanted.

In 8th grade.

 

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Edited by SC Tiger
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