Schmidt Meister Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batesmotel Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 On 2/17/2022 at 8:08 AM, Schmidt Meister said: Industrial Safety Bra marketed c. 1943-44 during WWII. Manufactured by Wilson's Goggles in Reading, PA. I think grandmother had one. She worked the night shift in an arms plant. Munitions and machinery at chest height was a real danger. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fog Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 8 hours ago, Batesmotel said: I think grandmother had one. She worked the night shift in an arms plant. Munitions and machinery at chest height was a real danger. My wife had a set that looked similar, but without the holes, for fencing. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted February 26, 2022 Author Share Posted February 26, 2022 It's a joke ... I would NEVER hit a woman unless she deserved it. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janice6 Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 On 2/21/2022 at 8:05 PM, Fog said: My wife had a set that looked similar, but without the holes, for fencing. My granddaughter just showed me hers last weekend. She competes in fencing. For bragging rights, I bought her a pre-owned fencing pin from a previous Olympic fencing contender. She's a wonderful girl and very smart. She made her own electric violin. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One young woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had sex before, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??" For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man from Florida stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's handsome. Tall, built, with long, flowing brown hair and deep blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: “Here, iron this …. and bring me a beer” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a actual prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Professor Miller. In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form of creative writing called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." "The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted." --------------------------------------------------------------- STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. ----------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. ---------------------------------------------------------- He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. --------------------------------------------------------- Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" ---------------------------------------------------------- This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. ---------------------------------------------------------- Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. ---------------------------------------------------------- A**hole. ---------------------------------------------------------- Bitch. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs.Cicero Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 4 hours ago, Schmidt Meister said: Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a actual prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Professor Miller. In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form of creative writing called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." "The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted." --------------------------------------------------------------- STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. ----------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. ---------------------------------------------------------- He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. --------------------------------------------------------- Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" ---------------------------------------------------------- This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. ---------------------------------------------------------- Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. ---------------------------------------------------------- A**hole. ---------------------------------------------------------- Bitch. I laughed so hard tears ran down my face. Thanks! 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 13 minutes ago, Mrs.Cicero said: I laughed so hard tears ran down my face. Thanks! Mission Accomplished ... thanks, I can go back to bed now, lol. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janice6 Posted February 28, 2022 Share Posted February 28, 2022 14 hours ago, Mrs.Cicero said: I laughed so hard tears ran down my face. Thanks! My wife heard this story and had that look of sudden comprehension on her face while looking at me. I guess the nighttime temperature in our bedroom is heading for below zero numbers again................. c'est la vie 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
railfancwb Posted February 28, 2022 Share Posted February 28, 2022 Bought this thick book at a nearby second hand bookstore. Haven’t read it in detail yet, but so far I’ve found no mention of Horatio Hornblower and no maps of his journeys and battles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
railfancwb Posted February 28, 2022 Share Posted February 28, 2022 Maybe put the maritime history book in the wrong thread. Intended it for Random… 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SC Tiger Posted February 28, 2022 Share Posted February 28, 2022 On 9/6/2021 at 6:33 PM, Schmidt Meister said: "Flag on the play" "What did we do wrong" "You mean you don't know?" "Well obviously not." "Nothing. It's fine." "Seriously, tell us what we did wrong." "Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. You're fine. I'm fine." On 2/27/2022 at 3:57 AM, Schmidt Meister said: Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a actual prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Professor Miller. In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form of creative writing called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." "The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted." --------------------------------------------------------------- STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. ----------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. ---------------------------------------------------------- He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. --------------------------------------------------------- Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" ---------------------------------------------------------- This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. ---------------------------------------------------------- Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. ---------------------------------------------------------- A**hole. ---------------------------------------------------------- Bitch. On 2/26/2022 at 4:26 PM, Schmidt Meister said: It's a joke ... I would NEVER hit a woman unless she deserved it. This is really bad - but I still gave you a like. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted February 28, 2022 Author Share Posted February 28, 2022 2 minutes ago, SC Tiger said: This is really bad - but I still gave you a like. I'm thankful that the females on this website have fully developed sense of humor's and they seem to be able to give as good as they get. BUT, I have explained that I am not a misogynist or a woman hater and that everything encountered here is in jest. Thanks for liking the post and have a great day, my fellow Southerner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted February 28, 2022 Author Share Posted February 28, 2022 7 minutes ago, SC Tiger said: "Flag on the play" "What did we do wrong" "You mean you don't know?" "Well obviously not." "Nothing. It's fine." "Seriously, tell us what we did wrong." "Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. You're fine. I'm fine." Excellent ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted March 4, 2022 Author Share Posted March 4, 2022 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 On 2/17/2022 at 10:08 AM, Schmidt Meister said: Industrial Safety Bra marketed c. 1943-44 during WWII. Manufactured by Wilson's Goggles in Reading, PA. My daughter had something built into the shoulder pads, for hockey. I don't know if they were custom-fit, or just S / M / L. Dads don't need to know that much. They also had cups (plates?). I didn't want to know the specifics, but she just said it really hurts. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted March 5, 2022 Author Share Posted March 5, 2022 The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius! The query: Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed: Desperate The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)… Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0. Good Luck Tech Support 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janice6 Posted March 6, 2022 Share Posted March 6, 2022 15 hours ago, Schmidt Meister said: The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius! The query: Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed: Desperate The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)… Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0. Good Luck Tech Support I read this to my wife, and she ballyhooed the whole application system. As she walked away, I suggested to rectify the apparent software problem we were now having by running Intercourse 5.7, but she seemed determined to crash the whole damn system. Pee on it 8.1!!!!!!!!!! 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted March 8, 2022 Author Share Posted March 8, 2022 International Women's Day ... You'd think they would have ironed that banner, wouldn't you? 1 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted March 8, 2022 Author Share Posted March 8, 2022 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted March 8, 2022 Author Share Posted March 8, 2022 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs.Cicero Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 I figured some of you need this one... 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fog Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 On 3/10/2022 at 4:21 PM, Mrs.Cicero said: I figured some of you need this one... Pretty sure that is the opossum that caused me so much trouble. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schmidt Meister Posted March 20, 2022 Author Share Posted March 20, 2022 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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