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Schmidt Meister's Grab Bag


Schmidt Meister
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I've got soooo many damn questions, the most important of which is WTF do they mean by folding your genitals .... ? Ain't gonna happen. How long is 33 lunar seconds. Tree bark snacks ? Are they sugar frosted ???? Screaming ..... ???? WHO in the hell is the Great Horned Owl and WHY is he gonna be observing me? What happens IF I DO eat onions before the class ... ?

Wet Yoga Class With The Great Horned Owl.png

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23 minutes ago, Schmidt Meister said:

I've got soooo many damn questions, the most important of which is WTF do they mean by folding your genitals .... ? Ain't gonna happen. How long is 33 lunar seconds. Tree bark snacks???? Screaming ..... ???? WHO in the hell is the Great Horned Owl and WHY is he gonna be observing me? What happens IF I DO eat onions before the class ... ?

Wet Yoga Class With The Great Horned Owl.png

Some things you NEVER fold, bend, spindle, mutilate or staple. 
 

PLEASE tell me this is a joke. 

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3 minutes ago, Batesmotel said:

Some things you NEVER fold, bend, spindle, mutilate or staple. 
 

PLEASE tell me this is a joke. 

Agree 100% about folding, spindling, mutilating and stapling.

It was NOT a joke as far as I know. I found this several years ago in a magazine called "Gaia" that was in the Jacksonville Airport. Then I looked it up online when I got home.

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I was led to believe this was historical footage of the last T-Rex serving his country in WWl.

But there is a Jeep and the T-Rex is holding a Browning M2. Which wasn’t used until 1933 …
So I think this footage is actually of WWII.

You can't trust anything on the internet ... do your own research, people.

T-Rex - US Army - WWII.gif

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Leroy had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.
The Doctor said, ‘Leroy, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’
Leroy was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery cost him $15,000.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, ‘That’s what I need… A new suit.’
He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new suit.’
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, ‘Let’s see… size 44 long.
Leroy laughed, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.
Leroy tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Leroy admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, ‘How about a new shirt?’
Leroy thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman eyed Leroy and said, ‘Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.’
Leroy was surprised, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years.’
Leroy tried the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Leroy walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’
Leroy thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman said, ‘Let’s see… size 36’.
Leroy laughed, ‘Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.’
The salesman shook his head, ‘You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.’

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