The latest crap sandwich.

[Silentpoet]

Probably more than I should reveal, but I have to get this **** out somewhere.  One of our clients killed himself.  He was mentally ill with some various disorders. Yesterday me and the caseworker had to go to his house and tell him that he was not the father as he hoped/said.  I had taken him last tuesday for the DNA test.  Zero percent chance he was the father. Before I even get to work this morning I get a call from my supervisor.  At some point after our visit he killed himself.  I am not sure of the details, it is possible it could be something other than suicide based on what little I have learned from the police through one of the investigators. 

We took the child into care about a month ago.  Mother died from an overdose.  We are still not sure who the father is.  One candidate for that is possibly a sex offender in another state. 

The guy who killed himself had some problems and I was assigned to the case because one of my coworkers was uncomfortable around him.  He was somewhat awkward with people and I think had some sort of personality disorder.  I don't know if he was physically abusive to the deceased mother, it wouldn't surprise me.  But that is not worthy of the death penalty.  I feel bad for the guy.  But for the grace of God I could be him. 

[minervadoe]

That is one giant crap sandwich.  Try to keep centered through all of this. 

[TX OMFS]

Man, you have a tough job. Thanks for doing it. Dealing with the fringes of society is eye opening & heart wrenching.

[tadbart]

Man. That's a rough one. Sometimes it's hard to believe that one person can get dealt so many consecutive shitty cards out of the deck. Some folks deal with their hand better than others.

At work, I'm "supposed" to feel and treat the concept of suicide one way, when in my own personal life, I feel quite differently. I guess just spend a little more quality time with the ones you love, and appreciate that "there but for the grace of God" sentiment. Sorry you're taking a beating, amigo.

[jk_226]

I don't have your job, but from my perspective, you don't remember most of the ones you saved, but remember every single one you didn't. 

Even though it ended this way, you did what you could to help that man. Be proud of that. 

Accept that you can't win every time.  You do work a lot of people couldn't or wouldn't, and I'm sure many are better off because of it.  Be proud of that. 

This man made his decisions in life, which hurt a lot of people, you being one of them.  It didn't erase all of the good you've done.

I wish I had more to say. Sometimes I let the job eat me up too, but my job and yours are considerably different so I can really only guess how you're feeling.

Work through it, and if you can't, get help.  There's no shame in that.

 

Edited September 18, 2019 by jk_226

[Huski92]

Keep your spirits up. You did all you could do.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Dric902]

We have been through the DCS, Foster Parent, Adoption, Suicide, Special Needs foster kids, residential treatment facilities, Wrap Around Services, etc, with numerous foster kids.

listen to the voice of experience here;

You are not responsible for the actions and reactions of another person to life’s circumstances. You didn’t lie to him, he was full grown, his reactions to reality are his alone.

 

help the ones you can, you’re doing Gods work

 

.

 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Dric902

[Silentpoet]

We’re still not sure about the situation.  No confirmation of the suicide or details yet.  Either way it is a screwed up situation.

[pipedreams]

Getting it out is good and you have good listeners here.  You didn't reveal private or personal details.  Before retiring my wife dealt with hospice and it can get to you after a while no matter how hard you try.  She kept a journal about her patients, she used fictitious names in the journal and would write about their time together.  It helped a lot and is much like you are doing by posting about it.  Best of luck.

Edited September 19, 2019 by pipedreams

[JimBianchi]

Very sorry hear this. Stay strong. 

 

You can’t control the actions of others. 

 

God bless. 

 

[Huaco Kid]

You helped save a child's life.

It'll have a chance at a future, now.

[janice6]

You are doing the best anyone can.  That's worth a lot!  You can show them the way, but you can't force them to take it.

[Valmet]

Sounds like you have a pretty thankless job sir. Don’t lose sleep over it- you did your part to help. 

[janice6]

My son and I were working in the garage, each on our different projects.  He was having a bad time doing something, so I told him how I dealt with the problem in the past.

He ignored me and continued to have a problem.  I again told him that my method eliminated that problem phase.

He looked at me and said, " I'd like to make my own mistakes!".

I had to agree that he had a damn good argument.  I remember this when I see something turning to crap and after I offered a suggestion. 

I learned to offer help, and if it wasn't accepted, my responsibility ended right there.

Now, he has a child of his own...…………..  

[holyjohnson]

Sorry Brother,

you helped a kid and thats something to look on,seems like that kid might better off for that at least.

 

you tried to help the guy and thats about all you can really do,he did what he did to himself and he was the only one that could have stopped it.

 

Thanks for what you do,i dunno a lot of people that could do it.

Sorry either way.

Edited September 19, 2019 by holyjohnson

[.264 magnum]

23 hours ago, Silentpoet said:

Probably more than I should reveal, but I have to get this **** out somewhere.  One of our clients killed himself.  He was mentally ill with some various disorders. Yesterday me and the caseworker had to go to his house and tell him that he was not the father as he hoped/said.  I had taken him last tuesday for the DNA test.  Zero percent chance he was the father. Before I even get to work this morning I get a call from my supervisor.  At some point after our visit he killed himself.  I am not sure of the details, it is possible it could be something other than suicide based on what little I have learned from the police through one of the investigators. 

We took the child into care about a month ago.  Mother died from an overdose.  We are still not sure who the father is.  One candidate for that is possibly a sex offender in another state. 

The guy who killed himself had some problems and I was assigned to the case because one of my coworkers was uncomfortable around him.  He was somewhat awkward with people and I think had some sort of personality disorder.  I don't know if he was physically abusive to the deceased mother, it wouldn't surprise me.  But that is not worthy of the death penalty.  I feel bad for the guy.  But for the grace of God I could be him. 

Thank you for what you do. 

[Ricordo]

15 hours ago, Silentpoet said:

We’re still not sure about the situation.  No confirmation of the suicide or details yet.  Either way it is a screwed up situation.

Be as puzzled as you deem appropriate. But don't let it frustrate you. Frustration arises out of the perceived inability to do something about a particular matter. But it goes up to the point where ability clashes with the choices that people make. And if it was suicide it was his choice, not yours. Only you can control your choices. 

Choose to be puzzled.

Best,

[Silentpoet]

I’m onto today’s problems.  Waiting for approval to go make some purchases for other clients.  Apparently our financial person went to lunch.  One is a baby car seat and clothes for an older kid.  After I get that done I’m going to the doctor for a touch of bronchitis or the start of that.

[SC Tiger]

On 9/18/2019 at 12:35 AM, Silentpoet said:

Probably more than I should reveal, but I have to get this **** out somewhere.  One of our clients killed himself.  He was mentally ill with some various disorders. Yesterday me and the caseworker had to go to his house and tell him that he was not the father as he hoped/said.  I had taken him last tuesday for the DNA test.  Zero percent chance he was the father. Before I even get to work this morning I get a call from my supervisor.  At some point after our visit he killed himself.  I am not sure of the details, it is possible it could be something other than suicide based on what little I have learned from the police through one of the investigators. 

We took the child into care about a month ago.  Mother died from an overdose.  We are still not sure who the father is.  One candidate for that is possibly a sex offender in another state. 

The guy who killed himself had some problems and I was assigned to the case because one of my coworkers was uncomfortable around him.  He was somewhat awkward with people and I think had some sort of personality disorder.  I don't know if he was physically abusive to the deceased mother, it wouldn't surprise me.  But that is not worthy of the death penalty.  I feel bad for the guy.  But for the grace of God I could be him. 

That sucks.  I don't even know what to say on that one.  Sorry you have to deal with this stuff.  

On 9/18/2019 at 2:59 AM, TX OMFS said:

Man, you have a tough job. Thanks for doing it. Dealing with the fringes of society is eye opening & heart wrenching.

Personally, I couldn't do it.

[Brad]

3 hours ago, Silentpoet said:

I’m onto today’s problems.  Waiting for approval to go make some purchases for other clients.  Apparently our financial person went to lunch.  One is a baby car seat and clothes for an older kid.  After I get that done I’m going to the doctor for a touch of bronchitis or the start of that.

Hang in there. You're a good man, and obviously very strong to pull such a load for so long.

[Silentpoet]

I did talk to one of the detectives I know a couple of hours ago.  He said the head investigator got some sort of confirmation from the county it happened in.  The suicide happened over the state line in another county.  Which is odd as I didn't know this guy drove or had access to a car/vehicle.  Still no word on specifics. 

I figure the guy had his mind made up what he was going to do before we even told him.  He had decided if the kid wasn't his that he was going to kill himself.  He was an odd duck like I said to the detective, but I wish he had seen some hope.  Suicide is not usually an impulse,  You have to work yourself to that level of depression really from my experience.  But being as he was not the most stable guy maybe I am wrong. 

[Silentpoet]

Well it turns out we have been hoaxed.  Like I said the man has mental health issues.  One of the caseworkers got a voicemail from him. I had never been able to get solid confirmation.      Though our Sheriff’s office thought it confirmed.  I found out this morning.  

[Silentpoet]

Now I feel like an idiot for sharing.  

[janice6]

2 minutes ago, Silentpoet said:

Now I feel like an idiot for sharing.  

At some time we are all idiots. 

You shared the best information you had at the time.  It's all any of us can do. 

You did point out the ramifications and expensive process that everyone goes through, under terrible circumstances. 

It's nothing to be ashamed of.  We do the best we can.

 

[Dric902]

The reaction was real

you weren’t played, you were lied to. Don’t trust him again

 

.