Dric902 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Damn, REPORT: PEYTON MANNING WON’T JOIN ‘MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL’ BROADCAST TEAM https://dailycaller.com/2019/04/22/report-peyton-manning-monday-night-football-passing/ . 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gwalchmai Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 46 minutes ago, Dric902 said: Rather than a rant on the current BS going on, I give you humor… Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Tarzan plucks. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead? Needs better contact. Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Radios Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’? Lost In Silly Parentheses. If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? 16 F Will try - see above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cougar_ml Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 51 minutes ago, Dric902 said: Rather than a rant on the current BS going on, I give you humor… Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead? Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know we obviously don’t have the money to pay them? Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’? What is the speed of darkness? Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours? If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Did you ever stop and wonder……. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’ Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s ass.’ Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed when they know they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs ! If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on…… Do illiterate people really get to enjoy Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SC Tiger Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 1 hour ago, Dric902 said: Rather than a rant on the current BS going on, I give you humor… Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? He rubs rocks on his face. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead? More contact allows more efficient transfer of electricity. The real question should be why does this work? What is the speed of darkness? Same as the speed of light, but negative. If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Well, 0 degrees C is actually 273 Kelvin. 0 Kelvin is as cold as it gets. So half of that is 136.5 Kelvin. Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? Ask your wife. Report back once you get out of the hospital. Did you ever stop and wonder……. Yes Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is? What if you gotta pee? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Because your breath is terrible 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Borg warner Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
railfancwb Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Sad...Driving down a nearby country lane I saw a cow in a field surrounded by buzzards. The cow clearly was alive so I turned around for another look. She was lying next to her still born calf hoping it would get up and nurse and play. Unfortunately the buzzards were correct. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gwalchmai Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Hard to fool them buzzards... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipedreams Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Administrators Eric Posted April 22, 2019 Author Administrators Share Posted April 22, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dric902 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janice6 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 2 hours ago, Eric said: After the video was over, the video on refurbishing the zombie chuck was excellent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul53 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gwalchmai Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 2 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SC Tiger Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 16 hours ago, pipedreams said: Reminds me of this: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Eric Posted April 23, 2019 Author Administrators Share Posted April 23, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KWalrad Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 23 hours ago, Eric said: It looks tired. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silentpoet Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Eric Posted April 23, 2019 Author Administrators Share Posted April 23, 2019 6 minutes ago, Silentpoet said: Chuck Norris wouldn't have anything to avenge. No one would be stupid enough to screw with him in the first place. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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