Random Posting

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]

[railfancwb]

Periodically chat comments to the effect of: 

As you are dying a movie of your entire life flashes before you. Make sure it’s worth watching. 

First of all I don’t know how anyone could KNOW this. 

So far I’m getting slide shows and trailers in no particular order. Hardly a movie. 

[Schmidt Meister]

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking United,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“United!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.”

“That dump! That’s the worst hotel in Rome. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”

"We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it!”

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the man. “Not only were we on time in one of United’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful young stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel! Well, it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They were overbooked too, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the barber. “I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked in. As I knelt down he spoke to me.”

“What did he say?”

“He said, ‘Where’d you get this lousy haircut?"

 

 

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]

[Schmidt Meister]

1 hour ago, pipedreams said:

For $500, I'm gonna need her to show me a Dark Secret in this world first .!

[railfancwb]

4 hours ago, pipedreams said:

 

[Schmidt Meister]

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.
His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?”

[janice6]

On 8/16/2022 at 6:48 AM, pipedreams said:

Wife has cut my hair since she was sweet sixteen..........

[Huaco Kid]

5 minutes ago, janice6 said:

Wife has cut my hair since she was sweet sixteen..........

What's a haircut?

[janice6]

Just now, Huaco Kid said:

What's a haircut?

An aid to sight.  We had it in the "old days".  

[Batesmotel]

24 minutes ago, Huaco Kid said:

What's a haircut?

I wouldn’t know. 

[pipedreams]

[minderasr]

[minderasr]

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]

[pipedreams]