Huaco Kid

[Huaco Kid]

So

His Triumph is sitting in the parking lot, (of Bull&Bobs,  that's brilliant!)  going chug-chug-chug,  just idleing, sitting on it's frame.

All broke in half.  Chug, chug, chug,

[Huaco Kid]

So

I don't know.

I think it was still there next week.

[Huaco Kid]

So you can't just leave the bike there.

If it's running,  the kids will jack it off.  Bob's problem.

[Huaco Kid]

Didn't even deserve it.

I'm in calculus.  Big noogies.  At the end of the class.   Minding my math.

Right before class is over,  Bob shows up.  On his 3x12.

Gunning it isn't good enough,  making everyone immediately look at me, out the window, ,  so he does a brake-wheelie,  and makes his front tire touch the window.  12' long.

While I'm sitting in class

[Huaco Kid]

2 minutes ago, Huaco Kid said:

and makes his front tire touch the window.

So.  Bob's a goner.

Probably in the river.

[Huaco Kid]

I memorized calculus. 

I got an"A".

Could'nt even go there, like, three days later.

 

[Huaco Kid]

Calculus is probably in the river.

Right where Bob's lobbing those bombs.

[Huaco Kid]

I saw a lot of wicked-cool shooting stars,  out of the airplane window last night.

Nobody saw them but me.

[Huaco Kid]

Our "poodle" dog was very cute.  For a week.

Now she's a 5' x 5' poodle dog.

You don't want her on your lap.  She's not that kind.  More like truck kind.  All slobbery.  The cute wore off a minute ago.

She takes up most of the basement when she's here.

[Huaco Kid]

She hates the UPS guy,  which is why we pay her,  I guess.

You could probably break into here,  in ten seconds,  but we'll know it.

[Huaco Kid]

Don't feed her cheese.

[Huaco Kid]

If she jumps completely alll over us, in bed,  barking her ass off,  someone's probably in the house.

[Huaco Kid]

And don't give her sushi, either.

You don't want that.

[Huaco Kid]

Sometimes,  she's all moosed-out all over the place,  and you step near her,  and she goes berserk!  Bark-attack!

Sometimes, you step near her,  she doesn't even wake up.

stompstompstomp!

She don't care.

[Huaco Kid]

She can moose into 10' x 10'.

With curly all over.

[Huaco Kid]

Her paws are as big as my head.

[Huaco Kid]

All my wife has to do is pull out a pan, upstairs,
And the dog runs downstairs to my office.

Because, upstairs, she gets allways smacked in the face with all kinds of implements, and spoons,

downstairs, she gets to lick plates and fingers.

And then, put her 20' x 20' moose all over. Really. You can try it. Curly-kick, curly-kick. She's always here. Won't go away.

[Eric]

Bump.

[Huaco Kid]

yay.  It would have taken me thousands of pages to find it.  And now it'll be omnipresent.

But my wind has been drawn.  nothing to talk about.

The grandkids? no.

One grandkid is four,  he'll be a NASA engineer.  I know.  I can tell.

The one is three,  he'll be an amateur prize-fighter.  I know.  I can tell.

The big brother is going to get his ass beat,  for most of his life.

The baby is a girl,  about 1 now,  so the boys will probably spend  a lot of their lives getting violently beat with a hockey stick.

I'll see to that.

[Huaco Kid]

The one kid will, scientifically, take things apart,  analyze them,  and sort them into a specific order.

The other one will come along,  make a furrowed face,  and kick it all into oblivion.

And then the first one starts crying.

And the second one just stand there, going, "What?"

[Huaco Kid]

They come out that way.

My daughter's were night and day.

[Huaco Kid]

The first one fussed a little bit.  We put a nuukie in her mouth.  She happily hummed a tune, all night long.

The second one fussed,  we put a nuukie in her mouth.

She spit it out and started screaming.  Put it back in.. Spit it out.  Scream.  Put it back it.  Spit it out.  Scream.  Back in, back out, back in, back out.

She's been that way since day one.  Still is.

But she played college hockey,  so you still might get fists and elbows, at any uncertain times.

 

[Huaco Kid]

Sensei was a "pitbull" (a pedigreed 'staffordshire terrier')

Her neck was as big as a mack-truck.

In Texas,  I came home one day,  and there were signs all over about the emergency neighborhood-watch meeting.  I went.  Everyone in the 'hood had been robbed.

Except me.

I wouldn't even rob my own house.

[Huaco Kid]

But,  she only lived about three years.

She came in the house one day,  and her head was a big as a basketball.  A big dumb basketball-dog.  We immediately thought, "snakebit".  We took her to the vet,  he said snakebit.

Some pills,  three days later, she was fine.

Two weeks later,  her head was a big as a basketball.  The vet said cancer.  Dog-head cancer.

We took her home,  with pills.  She got better,  for  a couple days,  and then made a big head-explodey thing,  that you never want to see,  in her bed.

[Huaco Kid]

Our friends little kid,  which was the only little kid we ever knew,   had been playing with this dog since she was a puppy.

The dog had never been out of our fence.

We were all hanging out in the backyard,  and heard a ruckus in the road.  David was getting "hazed" by the other kids,  in a place that he didn't live.

Mom ran out.

We had two fences.  The backyard fence,  and the frontyard fence,  the dog usually had run of both.  Today she was in the backyard.

Mom opened the first gate.

The dog was already going bouncy-upset,  because she heard it too.  She bolted right behind Mom.

Then Mom opened the front gate.

Holy Moly.

The dog never bit anyone,  but went berserk,  all over the dirt road, kids going up trees,  bouncing off fenceposts, running over mailboxes and cars, running into the drainage pipe....

By the time Mom got out there,  David was hanging on the dog's truck-neck,  giggling loudly,  being dragged back across the dirt road,  into the yard.

Edited February 16, 2021 by Huaco Kid