Huaco Kid Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 We've got old oil wells, back in the woods. And giant piles of coal, that I've found. (and several house foundations. Some of their chimneys are still standing. It might be their coal. They''ll probably smile while I'm burning it.) The oil will keep my lamps burning for 100 years. The coal will keep my burner hot for, we don't know, we'll die from old age, first. Enough deer, and rabbits, and the asparagus, that is way more prolific than buffalo, we don't know. I have enough ammo. Except for the buffalo. Maybe make them trip, and fall down the cliff, and beat them with rocks / sticks, before I use all my .22 on them. And the turkeys. There's only, like, 50 of them back there. That's 50 weeks. And you can burn their bones / feathers in the burner. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 I'm not as big, my biceps aren't a big, but my waist and proportions are perfect. I'm not as black, and don't have good hair, but I look exactly like him. I have a slight hint of abs, and can wear crotch-tight sweats waay better than that. I've been photographed, but google censors them from the internet. Having no nipples makes you faster, in every way. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janice6 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 6 hours ago, Huaco Kid said: I did waaaay better than that, twice, last week. I'm still employed, as far as I know. I was once told that I "should" work overtime. Since I'm paid by salary, I said no. The person said my job could depend on my answer. I told him than fire me! I was looking for a job when I got this one. For some damned reason they never did, for over 40 years??????????????? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janice6 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 5 hours ago, Huaco Kid said: That guy's got no nipples! Neither do I. That's why we can jump higher than, mostly one of our feet off the ground! I guess it doesn't help, on no-contest, crotch-tight, sweat-pants, flair. But it really helps in a, twisted, 90° backwards-twisting, upside down, ballet-foray, while not suring where the ice actually is, with an elbow-and-stick to-your-head, at the same time, while scoring a goal, that your not even sure you actually even touched. And landing, against the post hurts, way more than all of that. Nipples drag you down. Nipples have been the culprit that dragged me "down" numerous times. I must be a masochist 'cause I just keep going back down for more......... "I went down, down, down And the flames went higher And it burns, burns, burns The ring of fire The ring of fire"..........Johnny Cash, "Ring of Fire". OH! You said, "your nipples". I was thinking of someone else..................... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipedreams Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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pipedreams Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 Paddy and Mick worked together in the factory and were both laid off. At the unemployment office, Paddy was asked his occupation ,’Panty stitcher…I stitch de elastic in ladies panties, ’he replied. Being unskilled labour, Paddy was given 100 euros a week. When Mick was asked the same question, he replied ‘diesel fitter’, and since this is skilled work he was given 200 euros a week. When Paddy found out Mick was getting 100 euros a week more than him he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office and demanded to know why Mick was getting more cash. The clerk explained that panty stitching is unskilled work, whereas diesel fitting was skilled work. ‘What fecking skill???’ yelled Paddy… I sew the elastic on the panties. Mick puts them over his head and says, ‘Yep diesel fitter.’ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipedreams Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and went out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and hopped down the road, another 50 meters, turned, waved and hopped another 50 meters. The man was astonished. He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can!! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipedreams Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 About right for here, minus 4 degree's right now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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pipedreams Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 I don't usually make a New Year's Resolution, but at the request of my wife, I made an exception. This year, no wind. Unfortunately, I've broken it already. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipedreams Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 My three year old girl asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation. So I said, "You just ate breakfast, yes?" "Yes." she replied. "Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo." She looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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