ChuteTheMall Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dric902 Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 Random things to ponder about… – Sweet meats are candy, but sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. – Quicksand works slowly. – Why do eggs come in flimsy paper cartons, and batteries come in packages only a chainsaw can open? – Boxing rings are square. – Tell a man there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it. – Why does a writer writes, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, humdingers don’t hum, and hammers don’t ham? – If you can make amends, can you just make one amend? – If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but just one, what do you call it? – Why do you recite at a play, but you play at a recital? – How can a SLIM CHANCE and a FAT CHANCE be the same, while a WISE MAN and a WISE GUY are opposites? – Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship? – Why do feet smell and noses run? – If it was only a 3-hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL take so much clothing? – Why is QUITE A FEW the same as QUITE A LOT? – How does a building burn up as it burns down? – Why do you fill out a form by filling it in? – Why does your alarm go off by going on? – When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. – How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? – Why call it a HAMBURGER, when it’s made of BEEF? – Why does SOUR CREAM have an expiration date? – What would a chair look like, if knees bent the other way? – IF “Con” is the Opposite of “Pro”, then what is the opposite of PROGRESS? – Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients, but DISHWASHING LIQUID contains real lemons? – How much deeper would the ocean be, if SPONGES didn’t grow in it? – Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? – Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to “CURE” it? – Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”? – Why do we wash BATH TOWELS – aren’t we clean when we use them? – Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase? – Why doesn’t GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle? – Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have an “S” in it? – What do birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious? – Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? – Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? – If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? – Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? – If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? – Why do we drive on a parkway and park in the driveway? – Where do homeless people have 90% of their accidents? – If you drove your car at the speed of light, and you turned your headlights on, would they work? – Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? – Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? – If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? – What happens if you get scared half to death twice? – How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? – Why isn’t the word ‘phonetic’ spelled the way it sounds? – When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in? – What do you call a defective Milk Dud? – Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? – Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? – What was the best thing before sliced bread? – How come abbreviated is such a long word? – it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? – Why do you press harder on a remote when you know the battery is dead? – Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together? – Do fish get cramps after eating? – Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”? – Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? – If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? – Isn’t Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse? – What is the speed of dark? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuteTheMall Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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