Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 Mom had chickens, for eggs. And soup. The geese were watchdogs. Nothing could get within 1/4 mile, without her knowing it. Even the dogs knew that and just slept through it. The gooses had it covered. The banty hens were for, they would sit on any egg you gave them. They would sit on a turkey egg, even if it was half as big as them. The banty roosters were magnificent jerks, and made for kicking. But they still wouldn't go away. The guinea hens were for little watchdogs. If they went off in the woods, Mom would grab the .22 over the kitchen door, and go shoot the snake. If the guineas went berzerk, the gooses, chickens, turkeys would all go look, and the snake had a zero chance. Ever see a pig hate a snake? Ugly. The turkeys were for dinner. I ate goose eggs, but don't think she ever gave us turkey eggs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 Mom had a turkey. His name was "Tom". I don't know if it was her first, or what. He got to, like, 30 lbs, but was a pet. So, he got old and crippled. Mom hand-sewed a canvas carrier into a double-garbage-can carrier, so she could wheel him around. Put him in the sun, and stuff. She would wheel him to the local elementary schools, for, I don't know, farm-day, or something. She got her picture in the local paper several times, with this stupid, lame, 10-year old turkey that couldn't even walk. The kids loved him. At the supermarket, little kids would go, "Hey! The turkey lady!!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 The "Polish" chickens were for, because they'd lay colored eggs. (not just the shells) So you'd get lightly pastel-colored easy-overs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maser Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 A one-acre pond and a beautiful day for fishing. Big fat pond-bass in there. A fish pole and a tub of worms! The geese would all watch at you, and go about their business, way off somewhere. The turkeys-herd would look at you, and follow you around like Moses. Twenty hogs, tripping you up, knowing you had worms. All making gobbly-gobbly noises. So... you're sitting next to the pond, throw a cast, with a plethora of turkeys all bumping into you, pecking the back of your arms, your neck, earlobes, your pole. Whipping them with your pole just makes them all gobble louder, and they all come back three seconds later. Just give them the worms, and give up. That's all they wanted. They're never going away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 The small chickens were as big as a football. Guineas are tiny, googly things. The big ones (Reds?) were 2 1/2 foot tall. They were mostly, the "unpleasant" ones. I don't know what they were for (dinner?). Mostly for hitting with hockey sticks. They were good for that. You're still probably going to get pecked-off, when they gang up. You couldn't really slap-shot them, 'cause Mom would get mad. So you just had to take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 I once saw Mom push a horse's guts back into it's belly, and sew it up with dental-floss, after it thrashed around in barbed wire. Then the vet came and fixed it proper, and it lived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 I once stopped (traveling for work) at some quicky-mart in the middle of south-central TumbleWeed, TX. A four-foot tall chicken ran out and savagely hated me. Like, was really pissed off. I ducked, and rolled, and jumped, and swerved, ran behind and over cars, and finally made it into the store. I asked, "What's up with the chicken?" The Mexican guy said, "He doesn't like you." On the way out, I looked out the window, long and hard, but the chicken was gone. Not. It was around the corner, just waiting on me. I made a bee-line to the car and it didn't get me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 Mom and Dad went to the firehall dance. They had door-prizes. Third place was a quad. Second place was a trip to Hawaii. Mom won first place! First place was (a funny joke)... a pig. She came home with a pig as big as a football. His name was "Pig". You have no idea how squealy-loud and annoying these things are, unless you've had to kick one yourself. She made it a dog-bed in the kitchen. Probably fed it better than us. Then it got bigger than a volkswagen. It was a mellow pig, but still. I'd be leaving for work, open the kitchen door, and Pig was standing there, wanting to come in. You can try to stop a 600lb behemoth from coming into the kitchen. But you can't. You'll get hurt if you try. He wants donuts. Or dogfood. We don't know what he wants. Ain't nobody got time for that. "Mom! Pig's in the kitchen!" And I'd leave for work. Not my problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 We would ride him around. It's not that he accepted it, he just didn't know we were riding him. You couldn't steer him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 He turned out to be a "lard" pig. No bacon or chops. Mom traded him to the local (magnificent!) Mexican restaurant, for two dinners each Friday, for a year. Pig pulled his weight. (I don't know how far 600lbs of lard goes, but they're probably still using it.) SIZZLE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huaco Kid Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 My friend (Tim!) had pigs on the farm for a year. I guess they didn't work out. They were in the horse corral. They were pretty small. We'd go in the pen, just to push them into the electric fence, so we could hear them squeal. (That's a small part of why I'm going to hell.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 Early version of a sperm whale Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampfox762 Posted November 25, 2020 Author Share Posted November 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now