Odds And Ends

[Mrs Glockrunner]

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"
A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

 

Two babies are next to each other in the nursing ward of the hospital.
One proudly says to the other: "I am a boy!"
The other one says: "I don't believe you, you have to show me!"
The first one says: "Fine, just wait until the nurse leaves the room."
When finally the nurse leaves the room the first baby looks mysteriously at the other and lifts his blanket: "Look! Blue socks!"

 

What do you call a pie that, when thrown, comes back to you and explodes?
Boom Meringue

 

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

 

“May you live as long as you want and not want as long as you live!” is an Irish toast.
“Bread, cinnamon, eggs and maple syrup!” is a French toast.
 

There’s a knock at the front door and both Grandpa and Grandkid peep through the curtains…
Grandpa whispers to the kid: "It’s your teacher, go hide, you skipped school today."
Grandkid whispers back to Grandpa: "You go hide, I told her you passed away."

 

I went to see the optician last week.
I told him I was short sighted.
He took me outside and pointed up at the sun.
"What’s that?"
I said “it’s the sun”.
“How far away is that?”
I said “93 million miles”.
“How far do you want to see?”