A Bit Of British Humour

[Mrs Glockrunner]

One's sense of humour needs to have a bit of a twist in it to appreciate this line of humour. The Brits have it--- in their own fashion.

Went out last night and got really wasted.

I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring ..

So, at least I got home OK.

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Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?

"No, just here for a few days."

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I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.

Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

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After both suffering from depression for a while,

me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.

Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.

So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.

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I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.

I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor,

not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.

Then I remembered the local cafe serves breakfast until 11.30.

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Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

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I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed

a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.

Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked

him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.

He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.

Astonished, I got back into bed.

My wife said "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?"

"You'll never believe what I've just seen!"

I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."