The (probably short) Iguana and Boxer Dog thread.

[Huaco Kid]

Because no one, except for Tadbart, has had an iguana (wild iguana stories count) (for you southern knuckle-draggers), and the Jagr-dog, because I don't want to start two short threads.

[Huaco Kid]

We had a two-foot, overnight, snow storm in Raleigh, NC.

Jagr could run 200 mph.  So we never let him loose in the snow.  Where's he gonna go?

Two foot of snow was up to his shoulders.  So I just let him out in our subdivision.

200 mph.  Right up to a party (we were all tech workers and knew how to party) up the street. 

At first they freaked because a dog was charging them, bounce-bounce-bounce, and he wiggled and was happy,  and they all loudly cheered.

Then he took off down the road,  and I heard several other crowds cheering.

Then he hit the main road and started coming up the road behind us.  Several more cheering crowds.

Then he hit the top party and made the rounds again,  before we could catch him.

[Huaco Kid]

When the iguana was small (a foot, or two), I'd take him around in my canvas newspaper bag while I was delivering.

No one has ever done that since.

[Huaco Kid]

As he got older,  he got more crotchety.  And bitey.

He bit Mom's hands and fingers to the bone,  several times.

I didn't let him bite me.  Finger-thump the jagoff.

[Huaco Kid]

He could bite.  And whip his tail.

He aimed for your face / eyes.  And would give you wicked painful welts.

[Huaco Kid]

I was the only one that could ever pick him up.  Don't mess with a 2' iguana.  It'll mess you up.

When he was 3', 4', 5',  it was really a "Crocodile Dundee Thing".  You had to hypnotize him.

Put your hand near him,  he would hiss and bow up.

Slowly move your hand and he'd eventually close his eyes.

Move your hand closer.  He knows.  Bite mode.  Hissing bite mode.  Move your hand around slowly.

Do that for a while,  and then dare to touch him.  Hissing, puffed up bite mode.

Do it several more times, and then pet his neck with your finger.  Really might get bit bite mode.  Keep doing it.

Once you can stroke his neck,  and then all the way down his body, gently, he's hypnotized.

Keep doing that for a while.

AND GRAB HIM!

One hand behind his front legs, and one hand at the base of his tail!

BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO WAKE UP, NOW!!

And he'll bite, and wiggle, and claw, and whip you.

Once I held him for a minute,  he'd mellow.

Then I could just hold him and pet him.  He didn't care any more. 

You could watch TV, with him on your lap.  He liked being petted now.

If I put him down for one minute,  you'd have to start all over again.

 

[Huaco Kid]

You could go in the cage and give him tomatoes and melon and catfood (he REALLY liked wet catfood) and lettuce and crap, and put it down and he'd come eat it.

If the stuff you put in there was alive (nightcrawlers,  goldfish,  mealworms)  he would frenzy and attack and kill you as soon as the door was open.

Jurassic Park was right on that one.  They see motion.

I saw him attack and eat birds that got into his cage.  I'm glad he wasn't as big as T Rex.

[Huaco Kid]

When Jagr was very young,  we lived in a subdivision and the kids were very little.  He got out.  He got hit by a car.

The car was going 25.  He was going 200.

Messed him up.  NC State vet school took him.  It was free.

He was paralyzed from the waist, down. 

We got him back with his hind end majorly taped up and a suitcase handle on his butt.  His back legs didn't work.

We were to keep him in a cage 24 / 7 and only take him into the yard,  carrying him like a suitcase,  a couple times per day.

This is Jagr,  we're talking about.  .

At the end of the third day,  he buggered his way out of the cage, and was dragging himself around with his two front legs.

On the fourth day,  he was walking.

After a week,  he chased a rabbit through the yard and hit the fence at 200mph.

He was always pretty crookedity after that and would sometimes stick into only able to walk circles for a little bit.

[Huaco Kid]

Jagr loved the tennis balls.  Only,  his game wasn't  "catch".

It was "throw the ball once, and see if you can get it back".

After you tried to get it for an hour,  he'd set it at your feet.  You're not fast enough to grab it.

If he got bored with you,  while in your lawnchair and drinking beer,  he'd put it on your knee.

If you think you're fast enough to grab it there...       you're wrong.

[Huaco Kid]

So, someone called the very-rural Magnolia PD,  because people were screaming and running around the road with swords and shield.

My sister did it.  I know she did.

She hated the iguana,  so I don't know what she was doing,  and it got loose.

She freaked, and yelled for Mom,  and now they're chasing a 7' lizard down the road with hockey sticks and garbage cans.

[Huaco Kid]

The cops came,  and laughed, and iguana got away.  Like a fart in the wind.

A week later,  Mom came out to feed animals,  and the iguana was in his cage,  basking in the sun.

[Huaco Kid]

Jagr once walked right into the middle of the living room, right in front of the TV, and went  "haaawk. haaawk. haaaaaawwwwwwk...."  and barfed up a pile of fetid goo.

I didn't know it was a baby rabbit until I saw the little furry ears.  Steaming in the middle.

It was unbearable.  I opened the front door and back door,  and with a makeshift scoop, I ran through and scooped and dumped.  And ran through and scooped and dumped.

Because it was that bad.

[Huaco Kid]

Nana came for her annual visit.  We told her, "Oh.  Yeah.  The lizard got loose and he's somewhere" (he was only a foot, or two, then).

Nana was the coolest 4' old lady you ever met.  She rode my dirt bikes and go-carts.  She'd nail the cat down and pick ticks off of him.  She'd nail you down and put kerosene in your ears.  And you didn't even know why.

But for the iguana (she had met the iguana several times), she said no.  "No."

She wouldn't stay in the house.

We found him on top of the curtains in my room,  where he had probably been the whole time.

She would have made a "pocketbook" out of him.

 

[tadbart]

Ha! Yeah, they're not "pets" in the traditional sense. I bought two Childrens' Pythons years ago. Tiny little suckers. My parents came by, and I opened the cage to show them the new critters. Could only find one. Parents left PDQ. Found the snake under the fridge where it was warm.

Cuervo used to get a bath in the tub every couple weeks. He'd walk right down the hallway like he owned the place, and jump in the tub. He'd hang out in there a while, crap, and crawl out. The trick was catching him and drying him off before he left the bathroom. After that, he'd swagger right back down the hall and back to his cage.

Haven't owned a dog as an adult. Was dog-sitting once, and had to do some stuff on my roof. Crawled up the ladder, and the 120 lb boxer/mastiff wanted to come up too. Bastard knocked the ladder over, and I was stuck on the roof for a couple hours. Big stoopit mutt. F that guy.

[Paul53]

Eric and others who travel I-10 between El Paso and Las Cruces would remember the truck stop just above the NM tolls. The Border Cowboy had a large (to me) iguana named Dog. He had the run of the place and anytime new people were in the store, he would pass through, always stopping to stare with contempt, then be on his way.

[Huaco Kid]

The iguana mostly had the run of my room (and the house if  I left my door open) until he was about 2', or so.  He was easy not notice because he would just camp out somewhere.  Visitors would spaz if they noticed him on top of the dining room curtains or fireplace mantle.  Had to keep him in cages when he got older because he'd bow up into whipping position and start hissing whenever you walked by too close.

He loved the bathtub.  Mom put a big kiddie-pool in his outdoor cage.  They swim like a snake.

[tadbart]

We rarely let him have the run of the house because their poop is like bird ****, but like a cup full.