My best crashes

[Huaco Kid]

I think,  I wasn't even driving.

This very drunk friend,  driving to the next party, where we were in total compliance, in his 60's dodge/chevy/ford pickup,  going, actually, slowly,  in an apartment complex.

And there was a garbage truck parked in the road.

Not a regular garbage truck,  this one picked up dumpters, or something.  It had steel I-beams sticking out the back.

He said, "****" first.  We saw it coming.  Old trucks don't respond to steering, in any urgent manner.

He caught the steering wheel, dead center,  and got hurt more than us.

Me and my wife (to be) hit out the windshield with our faces.

I hit with my face,  and then was on the floor, with my head under the front seat,  my feet up in the dash.

My wife and I still have scars from that.

The truck's one I-beam hit the passenger-side window jambs.  Both of them.  Pushed them out of the back of the cab.  Three inches from where my head was.

[Huaco Kid]

So then we were all, like, "Ow!"

And drunk, and stuff

And crawled out, dazed.

And the cops showed up.

[Huaco Kid]

And back then, in Texas,  the cops could be cool.

And, I think, you were allowed to drive drunk.

So the cops are here.

And said, "Why would you drive into the back of a garbage truck?"

"Why is there a garbage truck parked in the middle of a driving lane?"

And we were messed up.  And the truck was messed up.  And our buddy was dying, from chest fractures.

And the cops offered to call an ambulance.  But we all refused.

So the cops said, "Bye".

And left us, coughing blood, pulling glass out of our faces.  We only wanted a ride home, 1/4 mile away.

[Huaco Kid]

So.  Walk 1/4 mile home?  Or walk 1/4 mile to the next party?

I don't remember the end of this night.  I think we went home.

[Huaco Kid]

I was on my GS400

This thing took me across America, twice.  And went 130mph, aaaallllll night,  on interstates.

passing the girl's dorm, way late, drunk,   a hundred girls out front.

I blasted it (it could blast),  into one of those 3" speed-wheelies,  at full-blown debauchery.

And the road, instantly, right there,  split into a Y.

I knew it was there.  Rode it ten times each day.

But not at 90.

So I took the curb head on.

[Huaco Kid]

I rag-dolled across the totally empty dirt field,  exactly like Knievel, 

but my body went into the parallel ditch,  and I hit a cement ditch-overpass, like solid, with my back.

And the bike went a long way more,  flipping through the dirt field.

Some girls even came down to laugh at me.

[Huaco Kid]

I rode the bike back to the dorms (not far) and the front forks were bent far enough back for the wheel to scrub the gas tank.

 

[Huaco Kid]

On the Suzuki,  I was working at a VW dealership (Wexford, PA)  (These guys were, not indiscriminately, mafia) (that has nothing to do with it)

Friday!  Quitting time!

i instantly blew out, onto the 4 lane highway,  in the fast lane.

I was following a car,  too closely, much too fast,  in the fast lane.

Then the car in front of me instantly swerved into the other lane, 

because there was a car stopped,  turning left.

BAM

I remember seeing the car drivers big shocked face, as I was flying passed, upside down.

 

[Huaco Kid]

I flew over his car, into the open lane, rolly-rolly-rolly.

I witnessed my bike, upside down, go under an opposing car,  and make much more screeching noises.

I was going in slow motion,  but the bike went full time,  crushing under a car.  As I whiffed passed.

I didn't get dying hurt.

[Huaco Kid]

But broke my foot.

I could ride back then. 

I know I hit the rear brake,  expertly,  (or instinctively) tried to go up the double-yellow line.  At rush hour.  Going waaay too fast.

AAAANNNDDDDD!!!!!.......

didn't make it.

Clipped my right foot between the peg/engine and that guy's rear bumper.  Broke the outer foot-bone (it's got a name).  Never got a cast.  Walked it off.

But I can now tell when the weather is going to make a quick change,  or if a pressure change is a'near,  because that bone in my foot hurts.

[Huaco Kid]

The girl's dorm curb-crash bent the forks into spaghetti,  but that was it.

The under-the-car-opposite-way crash did major scuffs, all over,  but didn't really crash anything.

[Huaco Kid]

The original crashee,  he was in a 70's something.  Didn't even hurt his back bumper.

The girl,  that ran over my bike,  was a basketcase of apology.

They had to get a tow truck to lift up the front of her car,  and another tow truck to drag the bike out.

I rode it halfway home, and had to stop for broken foot.  No ambulance.  Just xrays the next day.

[Huaco Kid]

I once had speed-wobbles on this bike, so bad,  that the handlebars sparked on the road.

 

[Huaco Kid]

I don't know where I learned (probably this bike),  that if you're really

in a really bad motorcycle anomaly

Don't fight it.

Let the handlebars spark.

(DO NOT HIT THE BRAKES! NEVER EVER, EVEREVEREVER, HIT THE BRAKES!"

Take your hands and feet off.

Take it.

and the bike goes back into equalribisans.

 

 

[geeorge]

1 hour ago, Huaco Kid said:

I think,  I wasn't even driving.

This very drunk friend,  driving to the next party, where we were in total compliance, in his 60's dodge/chevy/ford pickup,  going, actually, slowly,  in an apartment complex.

And there was a garbage truck parked in the road.

Not a regular garbage truck,  this one picked up dumpters, or something.  It had steel I-beams sticking out the back.

He said, "****" first.  We saw it coming.  Old trucks don't respond to steering, in any urgent manner.

He caught the steering wheel, dead center,  and got hurt more than us.

Me and my wife (to be) hit out the windshield with our faces.

I hit with my face,  and then was on the floor, with my head under the front seat,  my feet up in the dash.

My wife and I still have scars from that.

The truck's one I-beam hit the passenger-side window jambs.  Both of them.  Pushed them out of the back of the cab.  Three inches from where my head was.

no seat belts?

[Huaco Kid]

I had my Harley one week. 

I rode it solo,  because it was queer,  not a Suzuki.

The first time i rode my hot chick (wife to be),  up the interstate.  At interstate speed.

And

BANG

the back tire blew.  At 75mph

Suzuki's go where you point them.  At interstate speeds.

Harley's kind of go opposite, in slow motion.

I used up every grain of that road,  back and forth, for a mile.

 

[Huaco Kid]

5 minutes ago, geeorge said:

no seat belts?

I don't think it had them.

Neither did we.

[Huaco Kid]

The guy behind us,  that offered to load it into his truck and take it wherever we wanted, was cool.  But we were too weak to get it in his truck.  So that was out.

I worked at a Firestone.  Our guys came get us.  We didn't have cell phones back then. The first guy probably called the shop,  and they found us.  Didn't have gps, either.

The guy said "Dude" (i don't think they say that in Texas), your tire started blowing black smoke, a half mile ago!"

"And then you went crazy all over!  I don't know how you did that.".

[Huaco Kid]

Found out later,  that the guy that had it before me

took the bolts out of the rear fender (Low Rider -- like. 1/4" of clearance between the back fender and the tire)

And turned the bolts from "pointing in" to pointing out, so he could put chrome acorn nuts on them.

Then,  when it was my turn,  the acorn nut fell off, and the whole bolt slid into my back tire.

(instead of the nut spinning out the wheel,  and the whole bolt sliding out the far side)

[Huaco Kid]

[Huaco Kid]

[Huaco Kid]

It was an AMF.

I caught a lot of **** from the "bikers".

Until it burned them (I don't know who they were, every day), religiously, all the time.  The jugs would glow red, as I shined,

 

[Huaco Kid]

I was on  the Jersey Turnpike.  Three lanes each way.  Zero traffic.  75mph.

I was in the slow lane.  I lock it in at 2+ mph, and roll.

Then the car went skid-chirp!

"What?"

I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw brown.  I thought, "I'm being crashed."

Now the car is skidding sideways, down the Jersey pike, at 75.

I know snow.  Turn into the spin. I saw the clump of trees,  in the medium,  wherest i was about to crash into.

But the turn was working!

Not skidding off!

Then all the car's tires started blowing off.  And filling the car with burned tire smoke, And now rim-sparks blowing all around the ******* place.

 

[Huaco Kid]

And I noticed,  as soon as I wasn't spinning-off,  that my counter-steering wasn't  working.  No steering was working, 

In my rubber-smoke, spark-billowing,  panic control, I looked out the drivers-side window.

And saw a Grill.

[Huaco Kid]

Now I know I'm being pushed, sideways, at 75mph, on Jersey Pike.