Random

[Mrs Glockrunner]

A man swallowed his glass eye and rushed to a stomach specialist.

 

"I've looked into a lot of stomachs in my days," the doctor said, "but this is the first one that ever looked back."

 

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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.

 

Thanks to the internet, we know this isn't true.

 

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Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his bar stool onto the floor.

 

"One thing about Fred," his buddy says to the bartender.  "He knows when to stop."

 

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Did you hear the one about the roof?  

 

Never mind.  It's over your head.

 

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A girl burst into her brother's bedroom and shook him awake. 

 

"Come quick!" she cried.  "There's a mouse squeaking under my bed!"

 

Her brother yawned, "What do you want me to do, oil it?"