Which is the lesser of evils?

[railfancwb]

To lose a loved one suddenly without apparent warning?

Or to lose a loved one after an extended and increasingly debilitating illness?

[ChuteTheMall]

It depends upon possible pain and suffering. 

Some people want enough time on their death beds to tie up loose ends, some people don't want to face the fact that death is coming.

It's not up to anyone else.

[Huaco Kid]

I fully expect my last words to be, "Oh, ****."

[janice6]

3 hours ago, railfancwb said:

To lose a loved one suddenly without apparent warning?

Or to lose a loved one after an extended and increasingly debilitating illness?

Slowly.  You get time to adjust to the reality and say what you feel before the end (even if it to yourself) .  When a loss is sudden, you have no time to mentally prepare, and you are left with the agony of all the things you should have said and done prior to your loss.

My mother died in an instant from an aneurysm.  She was fine then dead before she hit the floor (according to the medical people)........  I know. 

[Huaco Kid]

We save amazon boxes until we look like hoarders and burn them all after dark, usually when we have beers and beer.  Recently, when the kids were over.

A cardboard bonfire isn't hard to maintain, but this time it suddenly went out.  I took a stick and wedged up the huge flat box that was smothering it.

I was instantly blasted in an all-consuming fireball.  Completely engulfed.  Like a flamethrower.

I ran out of it.  Lost a lot of hair.  Probably very lucky I had glasses on.

My wife told the kids, "That's probably a full two-dozen on his "Didn't Kill Me" list."

The kids rolled their eyes and looked startled.

The grandkids thought it was magnificent.  They all touched my frizzled hair.

 

[LostinTexas]

Everyone is different. Everyone processes grief at different levels.

For me, just like the band aid. Rip it, and get on with it. No matter, you are really never "ready".

[LostinTexas]

Doubletap

 

 

[LostinTexas]

Doubletap

[LostinTexas]

28 minutes ago, Huaco Kid said:

We save amazon boxes until we look like hoarders and burn them all after dark, usually when we have beers and beer.  Recently, when the kids were over.

A cardboard bonfire isn't hard to maintain, but this time it suddenly went out.  I took a stick and wedged up the huge flat box that was smothering it.

I was instantly blasted in an all-consuming fireball.  Completely engulfed.  Like a flamethrower.

I ran out of it.  Lost a lot of hair.  Probably very lucky I had glasses on.

My wife told the kids, "That's probably a full two-dozen on his "Didn't Kill Me" list."

The kids rolled their eyes and looked startled.

The grandkids thought it was magnificent.  They all touched my frizzled hair.

 

Sounds like you spent one of your nine lives on that one. 

[MO Fugga]

Sudden is the worst. Learned that pretty young. We're all dying otherwise.

[geeorge]

I would rather die suddenly. It's to hard watching people die over a period of time and it sticks in your mind forever

[Silentpoet]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandpa, not yelling in terror like his passengers.

 

The real thing is to make the most of what you have right now, because you never know when it may be gone in an instant.  Sometimes you may know it is coming soon though.

My sister had cancer for over a year before she passed. About a week before she died they said the treatments were not working and it was time to call hospice.  It was 5 years ago this week.

[Mrs.Cicero]

I don’t know.  I’m driving my parents 400 miles to their nephew/my cousin’s funeral today.  He was only 4 years older than I am, in great shape, no health issues, former marathoner switched to regular mountain biking to save his knees… went on a ride last Saturday, came home, took a shower and fell down dead, leaving a wife, 3 kids in their 20s and an 11 year old behind.  It’s awful.

[LostinTexas]

2 hours ago, Mrs.Cicero said:

I don’t know.  I’m driving my parents 400 miles to their nephew/my cousin’s funeral today.  He was only 4 years older than I am, in great shape, no health issues, former marathoner switched to regular mountain biking to save his knees… went on a ride last Saturday, came home, took a shower and fell down dead, leaving a wife, 3 kids in their 20s and an 11 year old behind.  It’s awful.

Best Wishes to all.

I've watched enough friends and family members die from cancer, Juvenile diabetes, respiratory disease and long term illness to realize it just ain't worth watching. 

Daddy got up one morning, and went to have coffee with his friends. He never went home, and we made funeral arrangements the next afternoon. Tough times, but better than the above. We had coffee two days before and a real laugh in. Made plans for deer season. He was a few months short of 60.

Just me.

[Borg warner]

On 8/12/2022 at 12:33 PM, railfancwb said:

To lose a loved one suddenly without apparent warning?

Or to lose a loved one after an extended and increasingly debilitating illness?

While it's painful to watch someone die of a long protracted illness, there's always something comforting when their suffering finally ends But when someone dies suddenly I think the impact is worse. I have two friends who died unexpectedly and both deaths still haunt me to this day. One was my best friend in high school and for years afterward who I had lost touch with and only found out later that he had been murdered from his sister who got in touch with me a couple of years after he died.  I've kept in touch with a lot of my friends from high school and always though I'd see that guy again

Another close friend was a woman who was married to another good friend's brother and she and I remained friends after the divorce and I became good friends with her second husband and I knew her for most of my life. She and her husband moved to Canada and I live not far from Canadian border and used to visit them there. She had been having health problems and Canada has assisted suicide so she decided to check out and made her daughter promise not to tell anyone until after the fact and her husband had Alzheimers at that point so he didn't get in touch with me either.

And another friend who I knew for many years died recently and we hadn't been in touch for a while and he was older than I was but he had a website that I used to visit and then I found out that he had written a book about his life and I ordered the book from the library but it took abut 6 weeks to get it and after I read it I went on his website to contact him and tell him what I thought of the book and it said on the website he had died just a few weeks earlier. He was in his 80's so I should have bought the book instead of getting it from the library and then I could have contacted him one more time before he died.

[Ramjet38]

22 hours ago, janice6 said:

Slowly.  You get time to adjust to the reality and say what you feel before the end (even if it to yourself) .  When a loss is sudden, you have no time to mentally prepare, and you are left with the agony of all the things you should have said and done prior to your loss.

My mother died in an instant from an aneurysm.  She was fine then dead before she hit the floor (according to the medical people)........  I know. 

I agree totaly with janice6.  That is all.

[MO Fugga]

When its prolonged, we understand but when sudden, we don't. 

 

[Hauptmann6]

My grandparents went both ways. My grandma was healthy and active until the morning she didn't wake up. My grandpa on the other hand. had a few strokes and lingered in an adult foster home not knowing who anyone was for 5 years.

Grandma was a giant shock. Like boom. Gone. But we all pretty much figured out that hey. I wanna go like that. It still sucked but hey. My grandpa on the other hand, when he finally did, it was a relief. Like thank god he finally physically died. he had been mentally gone for years.

On the other side of the family, my great grandma had alzheimer's the entire time I knew her. From earliest memories when I was 3-4 till she passed when I was 9. Not a way I would want to go. No one was overly sad at the funeral since her mind had been gone.

 

For me, 100% rather have the drop dead. It sucks, but you knew they didn't suffer.

[Al Czervik]

I had one parent die in a slow, painful, horrible manner, and the other just poof out completely unexpected.

The instapoof was much better.

[Walt Longmire]

Lost my older brother to cancer on June 12th this summer. He was sick for a year and a half. It sucked, but we had time. Lost my younger brother to suicide in February 2013 Huge shock. Still not over it.