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A Happy Marriage

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What I am posting is the truth, I swear it!

First:  I don't agree with that logic based on my personal experience over many, many, years.


When I got married I swore I would not be like my father.  He was Married twice and drove both women out of his house.

I was the product of the second Marriage, and did not have any first hand intel of my father's first marriage.  Just heard of the hate thereafter.

He told me, from the day my mother left us when I was 12 years old, that women were no damn good, they were just after your money.

I knew that he drove my mother out of the house because he couldn't believe anyone one-half his age could love him.  I saw why he might be right.  He was an ******* to women and believed he was the only tyrant of the house.  He was right in that respect.  I saw this and accompanied my mother for most of the time she was out of the house.  I knew the truth.  Besides, we didn't have that much money!

This is why I refused to be like my father.

We got married, and I truly loved my wife with all my heart.  She was naïve about almost everything.  Sex and relationships especially.  However, I let her have her way since I loved her and believed it wouldn't hurt.  I let her have her way when it came to money. I had no desire to "control" her, I still don't.

She was from a home that was dirt poor and her mother held her family together in spite of her father drinking his paycheck away most of the time.  Her mother sometimes had to beg the grocer for food when there was none in the house. 

So she took care of the money.  I didn't care because I didn't want the job.  I was too black and white for finance.  If we were tight for money, I didn't see the need to eat that day of for a couple of days.  I was this way before I married.  I didn't know moderation, just "1" or "0".  Off or on.

She was good taking care of the money and bills, I trusted her with my life.  A mistake I found out later.

She was also totally uninformed about sex, her sexuality, mine and anything to do with sexual relations.  I had no physical experience at that time, however, I had a very good working knowledge of the subject and how each of the two sexes functioned and their basic needs and construction.  I had three sisters and no mother for a long time, so I was the "goto" when my teen sisters needed "things" from the drugstore or supermarket.  I was witness to their trials and tribulations transitioning from adolescence to adulthood.

I had no emotional ties to natural body functions, or the need for periodical maintenance thereof.  It simply was a fact, and I couldn't be embarrassed by it. MY wife on the other hand, thought the female body was a great puzzle and she was embarrassed and close to humiliated, to discuss it's function in any way.

So right after hour "honeymoon" my wife told me in no uncertain terms that she didn't want to get pregnant, she was scared to death of pregnancy since she had no working knowledge of it.  She couldn't get undressed with the lights on for a few years.

I let her manage our sexual relations until I couldn't take it any more.  The only saving grace was that she believed in the Catholic Rhythm Method. For those who don't know, this is absolutely equivalent to rolling dice to determine if you got pregnant or not.  She lost 4 times and decided to quit in the sense that she had a tuba ligation.

Now she didn't want sex simply because it was too inconvenient.  This whole preceding sentence took around 60 years to come to a head.  I loved her but I couldn't stand her any more.  She seemed incapable of physically loving someone. So, one day I offered her a divorce, since I believed that she might find someone she could love properly rather than me. 

Long story shot, she decided to change and be more agreeable to me.  She decided that she loved me and didn't want to lose me.  She also told me that she was so impossible during our life together because she wanted me to make decisions for her. 

She didn't like being in charge of anything. Nothing in my upbringing prepared me for a submissive person.  We were all dominant personalities in my family.  My father made us so!  I had no idea such people existed, but now I was married to one.

Although this went contrary to my rule to not be like my father, I took the reins and the leading role.  The change was unbelievable in our relationship.

We have found the true meaning of a Happy Marriage, not just by my definition, but by mutual consent.  I make the decisions, she can veto if she feels strongly enough, but has never done it.  Never!

So, I make her control the money, since she is much more suited for that than I am.  I make all other decisions.  I still love her with all my heart and couldn't leave her for this reason. 

She loves me too and sometimes tells me how guilt racked she gets thinking of how she almost ruined our marriage.  I finally got her to understand that I don't want to be the tyrant in charge and still constantly try to get her opinions on everything, but I do hold the deciding vote.

I now introduce her as my "Ex". Followed quickly by, "The woman I wish I had married!".  Our lives couldn't be happier according to the both of us.  I now would renew my marriage vows, that I once had told my family I would refuse to do, so many years ago.

I now believe that my wife and I have achieved a Happy Marriage, and base that partly in the fact, since we woke up at 1 PM today and didn't get out of bed till 4:30 so she could get ready to play cards with her group this evening.  We both love to be together and have re-kindled the love we have for each other.

She is the love of my life and I thank God for her all the time. 

Don't give up!  Keep trying to stay together and do what's necessary to that end.  It can work if you try hard enough.

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