What is the dumbest question you've ever been asked?

[railfancwb]

5 hours ago, kerbie18 said:

I was on vacation, standing in a royal castle just outside of London in the UK. A member of my party asked why they would build the castle so annoyingly close to the airport. The castle was finished in the year 1080, and the tourist wanted to know why they built it so close to the airport. The tour guide was at a loss for words, as was I...

Why, so the castle owner would have a shorter commute to/from his private plane, of course. 

[pipedreams]

7 hours ago, janice6 said:

The wait staff at our Denny's know me very well.  I also tip very well.  I round up to even bills.  They aske if I needed change.  Every time I say no.  I asked them why they keep asking me if I want change when they know they are getting it all.  They told me it is a management requirement for them.

I tip well for middle aged heavier women, since I know they aren't the "cuties" in their teens and twenties but, I feel they deserve more because they try harder.

 

I like that, those ladies are working because they need the job.

[Mrs.Cicero]

These are great.  Thanks for the laughs!

 

[Hauptmann6]

After installing a new thermostat at a customers house I told them it didn't take batteries and was powered by the furnace. They started to argue they wanted one with batteries because, What happens if the power goes out?

Uhh you get cold?

[Peng]

There are no stupid questions.

There are only stupid people who ask questions.

Boy, there are a lot of stupid people.

 

How about  - are you sleeping?

[Batesmotel]

11 minutes ago, Hauptmann6 said:

After installing a new thermostat at a customers house I told them it didn't take batteries and was powered by the furnace. They started to argue they wanted one with batteries because, What happens if the power goes out?

Uhh you get cold?

I’ve had renters say the same thing. Back when digital thermostats were new I still had mercury switch type in the houses. Major snow storm knocked out power for a couple days. They wanted battery powered digital ones so the furnace would work if the power went out again. No amount of explanation helped. 

[minervadoe]

I worked at a place where there was a sign in the lobby that said, "Dennis, our receptionist is blind.  Please be understanding."   I happened to be in the area when Dennis was out on a break and the 19 year old mail room guy was sitting behind the desk.

A delivery person came in and scrutinized the sign and the loudly exclaimed to me, "Is he blind?"

To which I replied, "Well then, he wouldn't necessarily be deaf too, would he?"

[Ay Dios Mio]

Customer watching me tear down his steering column...lotsa little parts and springs and specialized tools.

"Are you gonna be able to put that all back together?"

Me:  "No...when I get done here I'm gonna call a tow truck and take it directly to the junkyard."

[Duluth]

Is that thing loaded?

[Huaco Kid]

6 hours ago, Maser said:

"Have you been drinking tonight, sir?" 

"And where are your clothes?"

[LostinTexas]

Since her heart stopped, can you take her to Baylor so they can give her a new one?

Very sincere question, and the dude never could grasp that things don't work that way. She was on a transplant list, and almost 2 hours from said hospital.

[Batesmotel]

You going to eat that?

[LostinTexas]

Officer: Do you know why I stopped you this afternoon?

Me: Because you are a sore loser?

I need bail money.

[Batesmotel]

Officer: How much have you had to drink tonight?

My buddy: Nothing Sir.

Now why don’t I believe you?

Because you are a poor judge of character and an embarrassment to the badge?

 

In the end it did not end well for the officer. 

[janice6]

1 hour ago, Batesmotel said:

You going to eat that?

I used to go 50 miles to my sisters, just to take her out to lunch.  She was a financial adviser and I must say, she was one of the very worst ever.

So she declared bankruptcy twice.  Now she is living on a fixed income and the Indian Casinos don't care about her anymore.

While out to lunch with my wife and my sister, I ordered my favorite meal.  Typically, I order the least worst of the menu, food is a necessity to me not a pleasure.  on this occasion I saw a dish I liked.

My sister proceeded to eat her lunch which she chose and ordered for herself.  Then while talking with me, she reached to my plate with her fork!  My wife knew what was coming and kept out of it.

I picked up my steak knife and told my sister that if she touched anything on my plate they would have to take her out of the restaurant on a stretcher!  I glibly pointed out to her that I allowed no one to touch my meal while I was eating it and she was no exception!

She made a "cute joke of it", and I said, "Try me!!!".  I told her that if she wanted what was on my plate I would order another meal for her, and if she wanted it more than what she ordered, why didn't she order it instead.

My sister was one of those "cute little girls" all during her younger years and got used to men tolerating her bad behavior because of her looks.  I was her brother I knew her well, and I refused to take her ****.  Besides, she was now old and no longer "the cutie that could get away with that crap!".

She is/was family and as such, I treated her decent.  I expected the same from her.  Talk of unreasonable expectations...............................

[Ay Dios Mio]

^^^  You touch my food...you'll draw back a stump. 

[LostinTexas]

[kerbie18]

20 hours ago, Batesmotel said:

Officer: How much have you had to drink tonight?

My buddy: Nothing Sir.

Now why don’t I believe you?

Because you are a poor judge of character and an embarrassment to the badge?

 

In the end it did not end well for the officer. 

True story. I pulled someone over and asked them how much they have been drinking. He held up an EMPTY fifth of Jack Daniels and plainly stated "this much".

[Walt Longmire]

6 hours ago, kerbie18 said:

True story. I pulled someone over and asked them how much they have been drinking. He held up an EMPTY fifth of Jack Daniels and plainly stated "this much".

I was being prepped for surgery and a nurse was asking me a ton of questions. She asked if I drank alcohol to which I responded 'beer.'  She then asked, "How much?" I responded, "How much do you have?" We all got a good laugh.

[Batesmotel]

One day my van broke down on the way home from target shooting. We had someone bringing us the parts we needed but we were stuck on the side of a rural road as we waited. A cop passed us a couple times then finally pulled in behind us. She looked in the back windows as she walked up obviously seeing several rifles sitting in plane sight. 
 

She came up to my window and asked what was wrong. I explained the problem and that parts were on the way. We should have it fixed soon. 
 

Then she asked “Do you have any weapons in the vehicle?”  
 

I looked up and down the road, looked back at her and asked “What do you need?”  
 

Cops have no sense of humor. 

[janice6]

1 hour ago, Walt Longmire said:

I was being prepped for surgery and a nurse was asking me a ton of questions. She asked if I drank alcohol to which I responded 'beer.'  She then asked, "How much?" I responded, "How much do you have?" We all got a good laugh.

Same here.  I was being prepped for stomach surgery, tumors pierced my stomach and I was bleeding internally.  The nurse asked me if I was ok while laying on the gurney waiting to be operated on. I said I was anxious since I didn't know if I would have a future.

She left after saying she could give me something to relax me.  She gave me a shot.  It slowly burned as it worked it's way up my arm.  A few minutes later she came back again with the same question.

I told her that if they were short handed, I would operate on myself I felt so good!  It went well and they were benign.

[miketx]

How come you have such a big gun? 

[miketx]

One time a woman at a gun range remarked that the only reason I had such a gun (AK) was to make up for my short comings. I replied, "If that were true I never would have bought a revolver with a 2 inch barrel!" She was mad.

[janice6]

3 hours ago, miketx said:

How come you have such a big gun? 

My favorite waitress hugged me, as her arm went around my waist, her hand landed on the grip of my G41. 

She stopped and just looked at me.  I smiled at her when she said, "What's that for?". 

I said, "That's to protect beautiful little girls like you, from nasty old men like me!".  

She just smiled.  Often I am there when they are closing late at night (wife is at cards so they babysit me), I walk her to her car after she locks up.

My wife knows me well.  She know I would never do anything to disrespect her.  But as I tell her, I do like ladies.  She says, "I know, just don't touch them like you do me".

These ladies treat me like their Grandpa.  They are nice.

[Jump]

On 5/1/2022 at 10:02 AM, Peng said:

There are no stupid questions.

There are only stupid people who ask questions.

Boy, there are a lot of stupid people.

 

How about  - are you sleeping?

There are no stupid questions, but there are inquisitive  idiots.

 

Jump