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The Mess Cook And The Navy Ensign


Mrs Glockrunner
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An Ensign who after his evening meal, asked the duty mess cook: “Seaman Jones, I would like a bowl of chocolate ice cream for dessert.”

But the mess cook replies...... “I’m sorry sir, but our delivery of chocolate ice cream was short chocolate ice cream and we are out.”

The young Ensign replies...... “In that case Sailor, I’ll just have a nice chocolate ice cream, that’s an order.”

The mess cook asks the Ensign...... “Sir, can you spell ‘van’ as in Vanilla?”

The Ensign replies.......“Of course, V_A_N!”

Then the mess cook asks....“Sir, can you spell ‘straw as in strawberry?”

“Certainly, S_T_R_A_W.” replies the Ensign.

The mess cook also ask the Ensign.....“Sir, can you spell ‘stink’ as in chocolate?”

The Ensign who is now fuming, replies...... “There is no ‘stink’ in chocolate Seaman Jones!”

Finally the mess cook tells the ensign..... “That Sir, is what I’ve been try’n to tell you!!!

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Our mess cook on my minesweeper (small wooden ship)  was a very nice guy.  His only problem was that he was an alcoholic, a real one!  He drank two types of after shave while we were at sea.  In port, his wife would come aboard to visit him and smuggle large bottles of whiskey to him.  She was banned a few times for this, but later she'd do it all over again.

He loved bad weather with high seas.  The ship would bounce around like a cork in the storms.  Pitch and roll was defined from a ship like ours.

Then every morning till the storm abated he would serve Blueberry Pancakes.  The Blueberry pancakes would be green.  I didn't care, I liked pancakes since I viewed them a the carrying agent for syrup, lots of syrup. 

Many new guys on the ship hadn't gotten used to the ships violent movement in storms and they tended to see the Green Pancakes and go to throw up.

The mess hall was below decks and about a 1/4 of the hull in length.  The mess tables were oriented in rows extending from the hull to the center of the mess hall.  Perpendicular to the central axis of the ship.  The ship constantly rolled, so that when we (we that were experienced with this) got our trays to eat we would get a slice of fresh bread too.

You would walk to the table and throw the fresh bread to the table and press your tray with your food hard against the bread.

The new guys didn't seem aware of this and skipped the bread.  They would sit to eat and when a large roll of the ship occurred, each of us would simply lift our trays of food and watch the new guys tray slide to the end of the table and fall to the deck.

The bread glued the tray to the table so it wouldn't move with the ships roll.  It was great fun at a newbies expense!

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I can tell you that mega-cruise ships are pretty much the opposite experience. They are so massive that they pretty much shrug off stormy weather. Added technology like stabilizer fins also cancel the wave action. I've been on cruise ships in stormy weather and it barely felt any different. 

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Just now, kerbie18 said:

I can tell you that mega-cruise ships are pretty much the opposite experience. They are so massive that they pretty much shrug off stormy weather. Added technology like stabilizer fins also cancel the wave action. I've been on cruise ships in stormy weather and it barely felt any different. 

Would add a real element of excitement at roulette if they didn’t have those fins. 

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