Losing people lately

[Silentpoet]

On the 1st of July we buried my Aunt Judy.  She was my mom's best friend. Mom had known her since about 1970.  Mom was a young widow of roughly 26.  Aunt Judy had Parkinsons and Lewey Body dementia.  Back in mid may we went and saw her down in Weatherford, roughly 450 miles away.  I knew it wouldn't be long, but I didn't know it would be that soon.  Back when I was in college I would call and talk to her.  She was a strong woman. Not this Hollywood bullshit of a rude bitchy woman. 

Then yesterday I found out my mom's cousin Ruby had passed away.  Ruby had been my high school guidance counselor and I had actually spent some time and was close to her mom before her. High school was a **** show for me and she was a friend and refuge for me in all my struggles.  When I graduated college after only getting my GED she was at my graduation and told me her mom would be so proud.  Aunt Blanche was a teacher before she retired and I got to know her. Ruby and her husband got a motel room to attend my graduation.

So as I am digesting that last night I find out a friend of mine from Youtube had passed away from complications after surgery. He was only about a year older than me.  We used to watch B movies and make fun of them together. 

 

I ain't totally depressed but I am a bit down.  I am ok right now, just tired of this world a bit.

 

[TBO]

As we age it is a grind as we lose people.

I know they say we should be glad we had them while we did (and I agree), but when it's fresh that offers nothing.

No tool really works, but one that I try is to ask myself if I'd be better off not having known them (and thus not be so pained by their passing).

Realizing this would also mean missing out on all the experiences and good memories... no, in the moment this still doesn't "make it better/OK", but can help kick start the process of becoming unstuck, if slowly.

Sincere wishes for hope, health, and a more sunny tomorrow.

Sent from my Jack boot using Copatalk

[Silentpoet]

5 minutes ago, TBO said:

As we age it is a grind as we lose people.

I know they say we should be glad we had them while we did (and I agree), but when it's fresh that offers nothing.

No tool really works, but one that I try is to ask myself if I'd be better off not having known them (and thus not be so pained by their passing).

Realizing this would also mean missing out on all the experiences and good memories... no, in the moment this still doesn't "make it better/OK", but can help kick start the process of becoming unstuck, if slowly.

Sincere wishes for hope, health, and a more sunny tomorrow.

Sent from my Jack boot using Copatalk
 

I am dealing with it ok, but it is a downer. I know the aging thing, I think of 1990 as just a few years ago, but it was over 30 at this point. Aunt Blanche passed away in 1997 and that was 24 year ago.  I looked at her tombstone today.  I don't generally visit graves because that ain't where the people live any more. But today was an exception. 

My mom is physically slowing down at age 78.  And I expect to lose her in the next few years. Like you say just a reality of aging.

 

[TBO]

I am dealing with it ok, but it is a downer. I know the aging thing, I think of 1990 as just a few years ago, but it was over 30 at this point. Aunt Blanche passed away in 1997 and that was 24 year ago.  I looked at her tombstone today.  I don't generally visit graves because that ain't where the people live any more. But today was an exception. 
My mom is physically slowing down at age 78.  And I expect to lose her in the next few years. Like you say just a reality of aging.
 

I think everyone has a bit of a tipping point.

I had a point where I was just flat after one passing.

No, I don't believe it was that one most recent pass, but an accumulation, a "gravity". Not a breaking point, but a max load moment.

We all can endure, until we can't.

My sincere wish is that you have or can find someone with who you can truly trust and open up.

I know too well how difficult that be, while knowing how important it is.

Conflicting duality of man and all.

The good news/bad news is... this means you are still human.

Sincerely

Sent from my Jack boot using Copatalk

[Walt Longmire]

Lost a cousin in October, my dad in November, and my closest uncle in December. Then my brother is diagnosed with a deadly cancer in February. I spent 2 1/2 months with him helping to square things away before he passes. There is still a ton to do. I feel like that cat on a branch with the logo, "Hang in There"

[crockett]

3 hours ago, Silentpoet said:

On the 1st of July we buried my Aunt Judy.  She was my mom's best friend. Mom had known her since about 1970.  Mom was a young widow of roughly 26.  Aunt Judy had Parkinsons and Lewey Body dementia.  Back in mid may we went and saw her down in Weatherford, roughly 450 miles away.  I knew it wouldn't be long, but I didn't know it would be that soon.  Back when I was in college I would call and talk to her.  She was a strong woman. Not this Hollywood bullshit of a rude bitchy woman. 

Then yesterday I found out my mom's cousin Ruby had passed away.  Ruby had been my high school guidance counselor and I had actually spent some time and was close to her mom before her. High school was a **** show for me and she was a friend and refuge for me in all my struggles.  When I graduated college after only getting my GED she was at my graduation and told me her mom would be so proud.  Aunt Blanche was a teacher before she retired and I got to know her. Ruby and her husband got a motel room to attend my graduation.

So as I am digesting that last night I find out a friend of mine from Youtube had passed away from complications after surgery. He was only about a year older than me.  We used to watch B movies and make fun of them together. 

 

I ain't totally depressed but I am a bit down.  I am ok right now, just tired of this world a bit.

 

This is not the first time I have seen threads like these from you. Here is some input that may seem a bit abstract, but it may help you.

In day trading, most beginners make the mistake that they assume they can learn how to trade, and make a lot of money soon after. They all think that day trading is a learned skill, and once mastered, you simple have to make profits.

The reality is, that 98.6% of all day traders fail, and lose money, often every single cent they had.

Successful and consistent day trading comes down to:

- 20% learning the skills like technical analysis

- 30% seat time in order to develop a learned intuition (many years)

- 50% learning to control your emotions and your mindset

 

90% off all day traders lose 90% of their money within 90 days. That's the 90/90/90 rule we have. Those few that stick around long enough, finally learn that their emotions (and mindset) are the problem and reason why they lose in this game. Once that sinks in, those remaining day traders become basically psychologists.

Any kind of emotion is our biggest enemy in day trading, because emotions cause us to make mistakes and throw our plan and rules out of the window. Greed causes us to go into bad or risky positions. Fear causes us to sell a position too fast. Our ego can prevent us from cutting a loser in time, followed by making a huge loss. The list of emotional impacts in trading is very long.

Most books on my bookshelves are psychology related. A good friend of mine is a PhD. We talk on this matter at least 3 times a week. Even though he keeps his license current by going to trainings every 2 years, I long have surpassed his current knowledge on cognitive psychology.

Ever since I have learned to control my mindset for day trading, I increasingly manage to apply this learned ability to the rest of my life. It is a form of personal growth through self-observation and self-mentoring.

 

Now, every time you feel down, understand that this is 100% only a feeling. Its an emotion. This emotion is there, because your learned mindset creates that emotion when you hear bad new, etc.

Believe it or not, but over time you can change your mindset entirely, IF you are willing to sit down, read books on cognitive psychology, and apply the strategies.

Our emotions are triggered by an event. Most don't even know what triggers them. Over time you can learn to find out what triggers you. Then you can learn to see those triggers before they hit you. And finally you can avoid negative emotions before triggers get too you.

 

How you feel about ANYTHING, is 100% in your mind. Your mind causes you to feel good or bad about things, not the other way around. When you learn to control your mindset, you can control how you feel about things, and live a MUCH nicer and healthier life.

People die. We all will. We all have only 2 true assets. Time and health. Both has to be cherished AND protected because both is running out for all of us. It is time to stop wasting more time with fear, anxiety and depression. Become proactive and learn to adjust your mindset. Jump on Google and start searching.

"How can I control my emotions?"

"Books on cognitive psychology"

"Books on personal growth"

 

[Mrs.Cicero]

I was talking with my mom on the phone yesterday (my parents are in their 80s), and she said she had another funeral to go to that afternoon - that it seemed to her that every time she turned around there was another one gone (it was the 3rd funeral in 2 weeks, so I can see her point).  My grandfather had one single complaint about living to 102 - that all his friends and most of his siblings (there were 12) were gone before him.  He enjoyed his children's and grandchildren's visits, but I think maybe he missed having people that remembered all the things from when he was a kid.  I don't know how I'd deal with that.  I have no advice to give.  Just the hope that we all use the reminder to cherish the time we have with the people important to us.  Hugs, Silentpoet.

[GT4494]

And the longer you live the fewer come to your funeral because you already went to theirs!! 

[Swampfox762]

Long story short...just had to move my 89 year old aunt to an assisted living facility down the road from me so I could take care of her and see her more without traveling 200 miles round trip.  The really hard part is her mood swings with the damned Alzheimer's.  Breaks my heart some days.  Especially the "I want to go home" days...hang in there Mr. Poet.  Prayers sir.

[Ricordo]

8 hours ago, Silentpoet said:

I ain't totally depressed but I am a bit down. 

That's normal, Silentpoet. It would be abnormal if you didn't.

 

Quote

I am ok right now, just tired of this world a bit.

Ain't we all!

My release mechanisms? Punch 50 holes in a 8x10 at 20 feet and  joke where joking doesn't necessarily fits.

Very best,

JHS

[railfancwb]

1 hour ago, Mrs.Cicero said:

I was talking with my mom on the phone yesterday (my parents are in their 80s), and she said she had another funeral to go to that afternoon - that it seemed to her that every time she turned around there was another one gone (it was the 3rd funeral in 2 weeks, so I can see her point).  My grandfather had one single complaint about living to 102 - that all his friends and most of his siblings (there were 12) were gone before him.  He enjoyed his children's and grandchildren's visits, but I think maybe he missed having people that remembered all the things from when he was a kid.  I don't know how I'd deal with that.  I have no advice to give.  Just the hope that we all use the reminder to cherish the time we have with the people important to us.  Hugs, Silentpoet.

I list my wife several years ago.

There are lots of attractive young women in this world, and I contemplated dating some of them after she died. Guess one reason I didn’t pursue the idea… What would we have to talk about afterwards?

Those once shared memories which are now only mine…

[deputy tom]

Prayers sent. tom.

[aomagrat]

I hear you. I am tired of going to funerals. 

[crockett]

Here's another idea. Every time I feel like crap, I go to the beach, AND I go for a long swim, often 2 to 3 hours. Once I'm in the ocean - I tend to swim pretty far out well beyond all others - then I tread water and look at the beach and the people from a distance. At that point all my worries are away from me and I'm complete. 100% happiness.

Try to find your happy place, outside your regular environment. Do a hike, or drive to a new place, find a lake to swim in, a new coffee shop that is unique, a huge field to lay down, or a tree to lean against. Every time you feel down, just get up, go out, and go to that place. Getting up and going is really easy to do. Don't sit at home and keep digging in the same hole, you only make it worse.

[crockett]

6 minutes ago, aomagrat said:

I hear you. I am tired of going to funerals. 

Then don't go. Nobody can force you. I stopped going when my last grandma died some 23 years ago. Ever since I refuse to go to funerals. Sitting in a huge room or standing at the grave with suffering people only amplifies negative emotions. That's not how you cope with death.

How we say the final good-bye is a VERY personal choice and some don't even want to say good-bye.

If you like certain people, cherish them WHILE they are around. Today! Once they are gone, move on.

[janice6]

13 hours ago, Silentpoet said:

On the 1st of July we buried my Aunt Judy.  She was my mom's best friend. Mom had known her since about 1970.  Mom was a young widow of roughly 26.  Aunt Judy had Parkinsons and Lewey Body dementia.  Back in mid may we went and saw her down in Weatherford, roughly 450 miles away.  I knew it wouldn't be long, but I didn't know it would be that soon.  Back when I was in college I would call and talk to her.  She was a strong woman. Not this Hollywood bullshit of a rude bitchy woman. 

Then yesterday I found out my mom's cousin Ruby had passed away.  Ruby had been my high school guidance counselor and I had actually spent some time and was close to her mom before her. High school was a **** show for me and she was a friend and refuge for me in all my struggles.  When I graduated college after only getting my GED she was at my graduation and told me her mom would be so proud.  Aunt Blanche was a teacher before she retired and I got to know her. Ruby and her husband got a motel room to attend my graduation.

So as I am digesting that last night I find out a friend of mine from Youtube had passed away from complications after surgery. He was only about a year older than me.  We used to watch B movies and make fun of them together. 

 

I ain't totally depressed but I am a bit down.  I am ok right now, just tired of this world a bit.

 

Almost all of the people I knew in my life have passed away.   One person remains that I met when I was 6 years old.  She lived on the next block and we played together.   I had fantasies about her till I was 18.  we did date but it led to nothing.

I always felt bad about what a shithead I was to her in my early years.  All through my life I regretted how terrible I treated her.  I was so afraid of girls (my mom had left home and I had no one to talk to about "feelings").

All through my life she would call and wish me happy Birthday once a year.  Finally, my wife and I were sitting on the patio just enjoying the day and each other, when the though occurred to me to call this woman.

I told my wife what and why I was calling her (I realized her phone number was in my caller ID) and I did.

I apologized for my ******* behaviour and told her (on speaker phone so my wife could hear both sides of the conversation) how much it bothered me all these years.

I also told her my wife was listening.  Anyway we talked and she assured me that she hadn't felt like I was out of line, but I knew she was just being nice about it.

Her first husband went crazy and tried to kill her, her two daughters were severely retarded from her husbands genes, her second husband of 2 years, died from a heart attack while she was fixing dinner.

Now, she told me she was dying from Lukimeia, but had to work to survive.  We talked about life and I asked her if she would go to dinner with my wife and me (she knew my wife from high school), my treat.  We agreed to meet in the near future. 

Then I had to call her and postpone the dinner till after my unexpected pacemaker.

I used to have feelings for her, but that was before I found my now wife.  Now I just felt that I had found a long lost friend.

Anyway, I guess I lost my point. 

She is the only friend I have left that's living.  I know no one longer than I knew her.  And now she is dying.

Life has a way of slowly showing us what our future is.  Sometimes it even gives us time to prepare.  My wife understands why I want to see this woman, and that I simply want a chance to say good bye. 

I have never been able to say good bye to any one in my wife's, or my family, that died.  So this was a rare opportunity.

I'm sorry for your losses and know it will only get more lonely.  I can offer no advice to make it better.  All I can do is to tell you that you are not alone and my sincerest best wishes go out to you.  We are all making the same journey and I hope yours is as smooth as possible. J6

[Mrs.Cicero]

1 hour ago, crockett said:

Then don't go. Nobody can force you. I stopped going when my last grandma died some 23 years ago. Ever since I refuse to go to funerals. Sitting in a huge room or standing at the grave with suffering people only amplifies negative emotions. That's not how you cope with death.

How we say the final good-bye is a VERY personal choice and some don't even want to say good-bye.

If you like certain people, cherish them WHILE they are around. Today! Once they are gone, move on.

I'm kind of picky about the funerals I attend - the ones on a certain side of the family are worth going to because that side is crazy and there will be lots of laughs and potentially a fistfight or two (well we've probably outgrown most of fistfights at this point, but they are still entertaining. That side of the family is just not at all respectful to the dead, to death in general, or about anything, really).  The other side of the family, well, half of them don't tolerate any non-flaming liberals within shouting distance, so I'm not going to theirs.  And I'm weirdly more willing to attend the funerals of relatives of my friends just to support my friends, than I am to attend the funerals of the friends themselves.  I'm not fond of the usual funerals... I prefer wakes with booze and hilarious stories about the deceased.  When I die, I should just be cremated, my family should throw an open house ('cause you know my friends will bring them enough food to eat for weeks since I won't be there to cook for them anymore) and then they should use any money I had left to go on a camping vacation out West and scatter my ashes in all my favorite backpacking places.   I've written them a list...

[holyjohnson]

God Bless ya Poet, its hard to lose people and harder to feel like your just losing more and more and we lose sight of what we gained from them.

keep your head up Brother i been in that situation and its a downer for sure.

but remember what they meant to you, not just losing them.

God Bless.

[railfancwb]

Men - at least of my generation - don’t cry easily. “Real men don’t cry.” Now and then we do need a good cry. One technique is to attend the funeral of a stranger and have a good cry.  

[Walt Longmire]

My dad died at 94. He often lamented that he was the last one left. All his siblings died before him. He lost my mom at the young age of 68 y.o. in 1998. Nearly all of his friends died before him. I believe he suffered some loneliness due to this even though my brother lived almost next door and checked on dad several times a day. 

[Huaco Kid]

On 7/14/2021 at 12:17 AM, Silentpoet said:

I ain't totally depressed but I am a bit down.  I am ok right now, just tired of this world a bit.

Motorcycle.

You need a motorcycle.

You won't even remember what you were trying to not think about.