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Well, I guess I need advice...


gwalchmai
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I just learned that my daughter has become engaged to be married. He's a good boy with a job, so there's that. Of course, he's a Flarda native, so there's that. But they seem happy, so it sounds like a blessing. I think I'll offer 'em half the cost of a wedding if they'll elope. Mrs. G would be mad but she's been mad before...

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My son just got married. They had a modest wedding planned to begin with but with the lockdown it was just parents and siblings. The church was free. Reception will be sometime later. There was basically no cost. 
 

The upside is we have had cash we expected to use on the wedding to help them get started in their apartment. 

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You could budget a certain amount and encourage them to spend less on the wedding the rest in cash.  Should be able to do a wedding for <$5k if you are frugal - wedding at a church, reception in someone's back yard, friend do pictures.  We spent $3k and never felt like we missed anything.

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We got married at the courthouse. Had a casual get together afterwords and a reception the next day. We hired a department store piano player. He was good. She has 13 brothers and sisters, so we had been to many weddings. We went on the cheap and many people said it was the most enjoyable wedding reception they'd been to. We decided to not spend  a ton on our wedding and have a nice honeymoon in Ireland and put money down on our new house.

No regrets.

Edited by Duluth
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Congrats!!!! 

Naw, ya don't want them to elope.  Do something at your house.  I'm sure they know someone who is an ordained minister.  Just close friends and Family.  You asked for "advice"?  How about asking HER what she would be comfortable with in these times.  Again, CONGRATS DAD!!  Hope you'll show us a few picts from the wonderful day!!

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My dad tried this on me, but I didn't go for it because my mom would have been mad.  My husband and I have agreed that our daughters are welcome to elope and take the cash we would have spent on their weddings to use on their honeymoons, or whatever.

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9 hours ago, RenoF250 said:

You could budget a certain amount and encourage them to spend less on the wedding the rest in cash.  Should be able to do a wedding for <$5k if you are frugal - wedding at a church, reception in someone's back yard, friend do pictures.  We spent $3k and never felt like we missed anything.

Neither of our families could afford to pay for a wedding (without being a financial hardship).

I sent my future wife a plane ticket and we were married 2,000+ miles from home all by ourselves.

It worked for us.

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We were in a transitioning part of life when the wife and i married.  She was in nursing school and i was moving between jobs and uniforms.  I was also in school.  Working three jobs.   And we didn't have much money. 

In some ways it was the best time in our life. 

Anyway.  We were married for less than $3000.  We paid for some.  My parents paid for some.    My mother-in-law was a house keeper without much money.   We didn't even ask.

It was at the local botanical gardens.  Lunch was made by family (and it was amazing) and we did most of the take down and set up.  We found a wonderful preacher who had much kindness in his heart and he performed the ceremony for $75 and lunch.   He passed away a few years ago, sadly.

This last March i remarried the love of my life in the Catholic church.   It was one friend who worked at the church, his assistant, my wife and the priest.

I found myself nervous.  Again.  That's a great feeling.

Bottom line is:  Why start your life with massive debt related to a wedding?   Do something with meaning.    Save the cash.   This wedding is really about two wonderful people standing before God's eyes and professing all that is right and just in the world. 

Love.

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6 hours ago, Swampfox762 said:

Congrats!!!! 

Naw, ya don't want them to elope.  Do something at your house.  I'm sure they know someone who is an ordained minister.  Just close friends and Family.  You asked for "advice"?  How about asking HER what she would be comfortable with in these times.  Again, CONGRATS DAD!!  Hope you'll show us a few picts from the wonderful day!!

Come on, Swamp, you know I'm not really going to have any say in the matter. This is just me daydreaming about having actual control over my life. :supergrin:

I don't know what she wants. She and he live in Jacksonville, FL and his folks are from down that way. OTOH, Mrs. G and I, and her parents, live a couple of miles from the little chapel where we were married. So that's an option if they want it.

image.jpeg.0d25e63ea0c5edc5d0f9e83eed805763.jpeg

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3 minutes ago, gwalchmai said:

Come on, Swamp, you know I'm not really going to have any say in the matter. This is just me daydreaming about having actual control over my life. :supergrin:

I don't know what she wants. She and he live in Jacksonville, FL and his folks are from down that way. OTOH, Mrs. G and I, and her parents, live a couple of miles from the little chapel where we were married. So that's an option if they want it.

image.jpeg.0d25e63ea0c5edc5d0f9e83eed805763.jpeg

The first rule in family is that you can't tell the others how to live their life...................

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3 hours ago, Historian said:

We were in a transitioning part of life when the wife and i married.  She was in nursing school and i was moving between jobs and uniforms.  I was also in school.  Working three jobs.   And we didn't have much money. 

In some ways it was the best time in our life. 

Anyway.  We were married for less than $3000.  We paid for some.  My parents paid for some.    My mother-in-law was a house keeper without much money.   We didn't even ask.

It was at the local botanical gardens.  Lunch was made by family (and it was amazing) and we did most of the take down and set up.  We found a wonderful preacher who had much kindness in his heart and he performed the ceremony for $75 and lunch.   He passed away a few years ago, sadly.

This last March i remarried the love of my life in the Catholic church.   It was one friend who worked at the church, his assistant, my wife and the priest.

I found myself nervous.  Again.  That's a great feeling.

Bottom line is:  Why start your life with massive debt related to a wedding?   Do something with meaning.    Save the cash.   This wedding is really about two wonderful people standing before God's eyes and professing all that is right and just in the world. 

Love.

I agree!

A public commitment between two people doesn't need a "large" audience.

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1 hour ago, gwalchmai said:

Come on, Swamp, you know I'm not really going to have any say in the matter. This is just me daydreaming about having actual control over my life. :supergrin:

I don't know what she wants. She and he live in Jacksonville, FL and his folks are from down that way. OTOH, Mrs. G and I, and her parents, live a couple of miles from the little chapel where we were married. So that's an option if they want it.

 

What I was sayin is, "just ask her what she/they  actually Want".   But, you're right.  You actually have no say, especially with your wife around!

But It would be nice to actually know what your daughter might want even though you have no say!:anim_rofl2:

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