what was the most painful animal bite you ever had ?

[ASH]

for me , horse and a beaver lol  . copperhead snake hurt pretty good.  beaver  was more of a puncture but it went completely thru my hand . 

[Eric]

I was at a girl’s house meeting the parents one day, when I was in the Army. They had a big Rottweiler that was aggressive and threatening from the moment I met him. That dog didn’t want me on his territory. We were having sandwiches on the back porch, as I talked to her father. The guy was a freaking Sphinx. I couldn’t get two words or any expression out of him. As I talked, I had a sandwich in my right hand, down by my leg. The dog came up when I was looking away and bit the piss out of my hand, trying to take the sandwich. It hurt like hell and it bled quite a bit.

I turned toward the dog and struck him on top of his head with my left fist so hard that I knocked him smooth out. The dog went down like a bag of wet laundry and the mother and girl both gasped. Then I heard a sound like a load of gravel in an industrial clothes dryer. I looked over and the girl’s father was laughing his ass off. After a minute or two the dog regained consciousness and moved groggily off under a table. About ten minutes later, he crawled over to me and licked my hand. He had decided we could be buds. We got along fine after that.

Anyway, I finally broke the ice with the old bastard. All of a sudden we got on thick as thieves. Turns out the dog was his wife’s and he had always hated it. Seeing it get knocked out made his year. So I won over the old man AND the dog, but it was a pyrrhic victory. Mama got frosty as hell with me after I knocked her dog out, even as the old man and the dog decided I was a good guy after all. Apparently, mama’s opinions held more sway with the daughter than daddy’s and doggy’s opinions did and we broke up a week later. ******* dog. 

[JimBianchi]

Great Dane, on a the forearm, the day of prom for the win.

Holding my arm like it is broken, I look like an idiot in the prom photo.   It was actually just swollen and blue.

 

When I worked for a wildlife sanctuary I was bit twice on the top of my head by a baby chimpanzee.  It hurt, a lot, and bled for far to long.  Hurt like hell and left a scar.

Edited June 26, 2019 by JimBianchi

[Eric]

I got bit on the finger by a really mean cockatoo last year. It got me near the edge of my finger nail, on an index finger. The bite split the nail about halfway across and caused a blood blister under the nail. The top & bottom of the beak penetrated in almost to the point of coming together. I had a nasty set of puncture wounds which got infected and even after the damaged tissue under the nail healed up, the split nail was a source of discomfort and irritation for more than a month, until the split grew out past the end of the nail bed and I could trim it off. 

[KWalrad]

By far the worst was by a blue-blood NoVa (former) mother-in-law.

Chupracabra was a distant second.

 

Border collie comes in third. Right on the left bicep. That was nothing compared to the ass-chewing from that NoVa MIL though. That thing had a rack of teeth that would of made Mister Ed proud. She could eat an apple through a chainlink fence.

[Valmet]

ASH- how did you come to be bitten by a beaver? 

[tadbart]

Man, we have some unlucky folks here! Great story, @Eric !

I have two. a 13 foot Burmese python tagged me across my hand. Four rows of punctures on the top of my hand, two rows on the palm. She hit like a hammer, and my hand swelled up pretty good. I pondered cutting her head off while she was attached, but I'm glad I didn't. She was just being a big dumb animal, all of which are moved to eat, ****, and screw.  Pretty sure she thought she was gonna have two of those with my hand.

Second, was a sting, not a bite. Little caterpillar called a saddleback. Maybe half an inch long, green with a big brown spot on its back, and a set of prickers at both ends. Grabbed it while I was doing brush work around the house. That thing LIT ME UP. Caught me in the web between two fingers, in that soft skin in the crotch of your hand. The site felt like it was on fire, and there were electric shock feelings up the nerves of my forearm for about an hour. I wholeheartedly recommend NOT getting hit by one of those things.

[tadbart]

7 minutes ago, Valmet said:

ASH- how did you come to be bitten by a beaver? 

He tickled its chin and gave it a pinch.

[ASH]

25 minutes ago, Valmet said:

ASH- how did you come to be bitten by a beaver? 

we hve parcel of wooded land  and we have a  fast running creek thru the property  well the dude who owned land right on back cleared his land, and the creek runs thru his property as well,  few years ago he called me and asked me did i know the lower part near him was dammed up all the way across and i had a small pond and flooded trees.  i was like wtf .  anyway  i called wildlife they brought out beaver traps  but just never caught any , me and the ajoining land owner was walking the dam  ,then we walked the water to see how deep it was waist high and im 6'2  ,  we were taking pics and scoping out best route to get rid of it , we saw the water swirl and i reached down and knew the nest was there , and then beaver came up and chomped my hand  ,  we they say angry beavers they mean it ,  buddy had a sapling and was swatting it . eventually we had to run . i have some tannerite  just some  but i did not want to blow up anything .  eventually  caught it released to wildlife dept . dunno where babies grew up and went . but it has been 10 years so far no more beavers.  i know its weird but it is true , i still get ragged by friends .  i still cant bend my ring finger and middle finger to touch my palm  bout half all i can do 

and ofcourse it had to be a beaver , and the million beaver jokes and i always find beaver stickers stuck somewhere , and stuffed animal beaver , ,yeah i know  nice beaver    

 

it was this long ,   no lie

Edited June 26, 2019 by ASH

[Valmet]

Thank you for the context. That sounds like it hurt like hell. 

[jfost11]

My last dog was a rescue from the shelter and I think he had been abused. He had several handling issues that we had to work through. Before we did, he got scared when I overstepped my bounds during some disciplining. Replaying it in my head, it looked like a nip. But he got my whole left hand in his mouth. It was quick. Didn't even break the skin, somehow. But I couldn't squeeze my hand for three weeks. He was around 120 lbs at that time. I seriously had to change my approach and think with him. But he learned to trust me and eventually all it ever took most of the time was a look. He was the best fur pillow you could ever cuddle with. Miss him terribly. Now my allergies...

 

Anyway. Years later, I got stung by a wasp. Just an ordinary black wasp that I unknowingly grabbed while cleaning the dryer vent. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that hurt like hell. For days. I have accidentally smashed my hand with a hammer without breaking anything. The day after the sting, that's exactly what it felt like. Wouldn't wish those bastards on anyone. Well, maybe as a warm up to someone wanting to hurt my children. 

[JimBianchi]

Love the beaver story!

 

MY favorite hiking/camping spot in AZ is near Wet Beaver Creek, I never saw a beaver but one year we hiking in after being gone for 6 months and found a HUGE pond and a beaver dam near where the trail crossed the creek!  Very cool!

 

A long time before that, I picked up a very tolerant King Snake, who was very friendly for a few minutes, then he wasn't.  He struck me in the chest while i was holding him, knocked the wind out of me!  lt felt like a pool cue poke in the peck!

 

Loved that place Reaper, thanks for making me remember!

[jfost11]

2 hours ago, Eric said:

I got bit on the finger by a really mean cockatoo last year. It got me near the edge of my finger nail, on an index finger. The bite split the nail about halfway across and caused a blood blister under the nail. The top & bottom of the beak penetrated in almost to the point of coming together. I had a nasty set of puncture wounds which got infected and even after the damaged tissue under the nail healed up, the split nail was a source of discomfort and irritation for more than a month, until the split grew out past the end of the nail bed and I could trim it off. 

I was at someone's house with two of those. They pet them and said they loved people petting them, then left the room. So I stick my finger in there and the little bastard chomps on it and won't let go. I had to pull it toward the cage and flick it in the head with my other hand 3 or 4 times to make it let go. It didn't break the skin or a fingernail, but it sure wasn't pleasant.

[Historian]

5 hours ago, Valmet said:

ASH- how did you come to be bitten by a beaver? 

Words seldom heard.

[Maser]

Black Widow

[Valmet]

A kidney stone...metaphorically, of course. 

[SC Tiger]

Nipple bitten off by a beaver.

Didn't happen to me, but it's one of those stories that just hurts to even hear.

[Al Czervik]

I knew some stupid kids that put some firecrackers in a beehive one cold February morning, thinking the bees wouldn't come out of the hive due to the temperature.  Boy, were they wrong.  One took 18 to the left side of his face. ?

 

[Dric902]

Ground hornets

damn those things hurt

 

.

[Moshe]

Africanized Ground Bees, about 75 stings.  That caused a multi-organ failure, of dying and coming back way too many times for my comfort.  Tick bite at the base of my skull that gave me a migraine.  I pulled that bugger out.  GSD razor sharp puppy teeth.  when feeding him animal liver.  That cut open a finger.  Does a crazy Turkish woman with scalpel count?

[Wyzz Kydd]

1 hour ago, Dric902 said:

Ground hornets

damn those things hurt

 

.

Same here.

[SilverRidge01]

White faced hornets got nailed by a dozen of em bad bad critters  Put my hand right into the nest moving a log ..

[aomagrat]

I don't know what it was, but I  had a golf ball sized lump on the back of my shoulder for two weeks.

[Walt Longmire]

Ditto on the hornets. Too many stings to count. Worse was a ground squirrel when I was a kid. I laid in wait on a rock over the hole it was in. When it came out, I snatched it up. It tore the hell out of my 10 year old hand. I couldn't let go quick enough. Sadly this was in full view of my family, and my aunt and uncles family. Everyone but me had a hearty laugh about it. Yellowstone Park, Lava Creek campground. ******* squirrels.

[Huaco Kid]

16 hours ago, Walt Longmire said:

Worse was a ground squirrel when I was a kid.

Just like them, a rat's bottom teeth (I had pets) (and hamster and gerbils) are, like, an inch long.  You won't know it until you see them yawn or until after they bite you.  They'll easily go right through your hand.