Moral Quandry

[Moshe]

I try to be a good son.  I really don't want to live long upon the land.  My father is 72.  His father got Alzheimer's at 74, died around 75.  So, I am not holding to the idea that dad will be around more.  A conversation 2 weeks ago (he likes Glocks) and lamented he didn't have a 21 in his collection, after we discussed how I got one for my son.  My father tells me if I find a good deal he wants one.  One week later, he tells me they are unwieldly from the front, or too heavy from the back when loaded, etc.  So, meanwhile to honor my father, I won a project 21.  Some handling wear.  I was arranging with my gun guy to put it in Air Force Blue, put the security police badge on one side of the grip, and the older Airforce symbol before they went to the stain glass wing symbol.  So, now I am stuck, I don't know if it is early onset dementia the start of Alzheimer's.  But, talking with him is like the weather, it is bound to change.  Meanwhile my wife is riding my butt about the expenditure. 

What I want to do is suck up the price and just send it to him.  What my wife wants to do is remind me she is going to have a fake tooth replaced, and the dentist wants to chop off my crowns and put another set it. 

I care about my wife's concerns, but my father was a Vietnam Vet all the way through the first Gulf War and beyond.  He retired when I was 23.  He is a proud vet, as he should be.  Which is why I wanted to do this before he passes. 

Suggestions?

[tous]

Honor your father.

My dad also suffered from dementia in his last years, but he was thrilled by the simple things.

He would sit in his chair all days and watch the older westerns from the 1960s on television.  Maybe they reminded him of the time when he was younger, healthy and looking forward.

He loved being at the local Kmart.  Not to buy anything.  He would just wander the aisles and smile and greet everyone he encountered, often having long conversations.

I would silently thank the folks he met for taking time to make my father happy for those few minutes.

He had to give up driving, but I would let him drive my car back home.  We were like two conspirators, keeping the secret from my mother.

She knew, of course.

For your father, amigo, it won't be the gift of things he treasures, but the gift of sharing time with you.

Edited May 27, 2019 by tous

[Moshe]

6 minutes ago, tous said:

Honor your father.

My dad also suffered from dementia in his last years, but he was thrilled by the simple things.

He would sit in his chair all days and watch the older westerns from the 1960s on television.  Maybe they reminded him of the time when he was younger, healthy and looking forward.

He loved being at the local Kmart.  Not to buy anything.  He would just wander the aisles and smile and greet everyone he encountered, often having long conversations.

I would silently thank the folks he met for taking time to make my father happy for those few minutes.

He had to give up driving, but I would let him drive my car back home.  We were like two conspirators, keeping the secret from my mother.

She knew, of course.

For your father, amigo, it won't be the gift of things he treasures, but the gift of sharing time with you.

That describes dad well.  I don't think there is a John Wayne movie he hasn't watched yet.  He lives in NM.  I am in Texas.  He ruminates about coming to Texas, but then it changes too.  He sold all his rentals, and they have the one house now.  The thing that worries me, is they always complained about having all those houses, and problems to solve, now they seem rudderless.  At their age rudderless seems dangerous.  He used to enjoy going to Lowe's and talking to all the people there, or going to Taco Bell, to get the Burrito Especial they don't make anymore, but they make it for him.  In stereotypical fashion he liked going to Walmart and sampling the samples and declaring it lunch.  His little buddy that helped him with projects, about a decade younger than me, fell off the radar.  I think part of what is going on is my sister kvetches to them for hours.  I try to keep things on the up, with of course, some morbid humor that makes their day.  They don't need to know every problem in my life, they have their own.

[janice6]

29 minutes ago, tous said:

Honor your father.

My dad also suffered from dementia in his last years, but he was thrilled by the simple things.

He would sit in his chair all days and watch the older westerns from the 1960s on television.  Maybe they reminded him of the time when he was younger, healthy and looking forward.

He loved being at the local Kmart.  Not to buy anything.  He would just wander the aisles and smile and greet everyone he encountered, often having long conversations.

I would silently thank the folks he met for taking time to make my father happy for those few minutes.

He had to give up driving, but I would let him drive my car back home.  We were like two conspirators, keeping the secret from my mother.

She knew, of course.

For your father, amigo, it won't be the gift of things he treasures, but the gift of sharing time with you.

Much like the real reason my father and I fished and hunted together.  It wasn't for the fish or the game.

[G19Tony]

My best times with my Dad, were on the golf course. 

[Moshe]

2 hours ago, janice6 said:

Much like the real reason my father and I fished and hunted together.  It wasn't for the fish or the game.

He mentioned if he moved to Texas if I would go fishing with him, and of course I agreed.  Heck, the hunting lease I shared, I would give him my half as he as always wanted to bag some game.

[RenoF250]

It seems you already have the gun so why not give it to him?  The only concern I see is if he is mentally fit for a firearm.

 

I would really work on getting him to move to Texas.

[C_Hallbert]

I try to be a good son.  I really don't want to live long upon the land.  My father is 72.  His father got Alzheimer's at 74, died around 75.  So, I am not holding to the idea that dad will be around more.  A conversation 2 weeks ago (he likes Glocks) and lamented he didn't have a 21 in his collection, after we discussed how I got one for my son.  My father tells me if I find a good deal he wants one.  One week later, he tells me they are unwieldly from the front, or too heavy from the back when loaded, etc.  So, meanwhile to honor my father, I won a project 21.  Some handling wear.  I was arranging with my gun guy to put it in Air Force Blue, put the security police badge on one side of the grip, and the older Airforce symbol before they went to the stain glass wing symbol.  So, now I am stuck, I don't know if it is early onset dementia the start of Alzheimer's.  But, talking with him is like the weather, it is bound to change.  Meanwhile my wife is riding my butt about the expenditure. 
What I want to do is suck up the price and just send it to him.  What my wife wants to do is remind me she is going to have a fake tooth replaced, and the dentist wants to chop off my crowns and put another set it. 
I care about my wife's concerns, but my father was a Vietnam Vet all the way through the first Gulf War and beyond.  He retired when I was 23.  He is a proud vet, as he should be.  Which is why I wanted to do this before he passes. 
Suggestions?

I appreciate your sentiments. I’m a 72 y.o. Vietnam Vet. If I was your Pop, I’d suggest that you use your funds to fix your Wife’s teeth, and (if I knew about your dilemma) I’d probably give you some cash to help.....Semper Fi


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[Moshe]

34 minutes ago, RenoF250 said:

It seems you already have the gun so why not give it to him?  The only concern I see is if he is mentally fit for a firearm.

 

I would really work on getting him to move to Texas.

No.  I was planning on dressing it up for him, as an honor to his service.  Plus, my wife riding me about it now.

[gwalchmai]

Quandry is one of those words that should be spelled like it sounds, but it's not. I once told a bank manager that they had it spelled wrong on a sign in their bank, but in fact it was correct. And I'm still not welcome at that bank...

As for your analemma, I wish I was local and I could buy it from you, but it's usually pretty easy to find buyers for G-21s. Good luck, and enjoy your time with your dad. ?

[tadbart]

He is your father...

And a veteran...

Nobody can take the money with them when they're gone...

No reason ya can't buy a gun and buy a new tooth.

I think honoring one's parents as they age is honorable.

Everyone should do the same. Maybe not with a pistol, but

Certainly with gifts and quality time.

As long as my parents (and especially my step-dad) are alive, what's mine is theirs.

Unfortunately, not many feel that way these days.

Loving one's parents as they age, that's BIBLICAL, man.

Definitely a commandment in both the Old and New Testaments.

Enjoy the time you have with your dad. It's never enough.

Respect and love to our aging parents is a key to the entrance to the path to Heaven, I believe.

[refugeepj]

dad will not last forever.

give him the pistol.

do not live with the regret.

one chance. when it is over, it is over.

mom gone almost 31 years.

dad 16 come August.

wish I could honor them instead of their memory.

[Moshe]

The only regret I will have is:

1. He won't appreciate it.

2. My wife riding my back like a rabid monkey.  You would think she would be Jewish when it comes to money, but not all stereotypes are true.

 

Beyond that, I have no problems whatsoever.  She can get her implant, I sure don't feel like getting two crowns replaced anytime soon.  They don't hurt, as far as I can tell they are not infected just failing, slowly.

[RenoF250]

27 minutes ago, Moshe said:

The only regret I will have is:

1. He won't appreciate it.

2. My wife riding my back like a rabid monkey.  You would think she would be Jewish when it comes to money, but not all stereotypes are true.

 

Beyond that, I have no problems whatsoever.  She can get her implant, I sure don't feel like getting two crowns replaced anytime soon.  They don't hurt, as far as I can tell they are not infected just failing, slowly.

 

I was honestly impressed you made a post without mentioning Jewish but it did not make it through the first page.

[Moshe]

Just now, RenoF250 said:

 

I was honestly impressed you made a post without mentioning Jewish but it did not make it through the first page.

Okay, whatever find your floats your boat, and finds your lost remote.