Question for the business guys: Can an employer control who you're friends with?

[jame]

I'll make this as brief as possible in hopes that it will simplify my question.

 

In a nutshell, over the last 2 1/2 years, I was hired and recently promoted to the top spot.  A woman that's been a friend of mine over the last ten years got me the job in the first place.

Fast forward to today, and we're under new management, and they and my friend do NOT get along, so she was released.  Sadly, I had to help her pack her stuff and usher her to her car in the parking lot last Wednesday.

Now today, through a series of text messages from my superior, I have a feeling that they will ask me to dissolve this friendship, and stop all communications with her, regardless of our previous 10 year relationship.

I'm a guy that will step in line and get to work, but this seems to bend me a little sideways.  (As a side note, this industry is predominantly women.  The cattiness is unreal)

I'm 59, towards the tail end of my career.  My friend, obviously, is a pretty good resource.  She got me this job, after all.

I'd love to hear your takes, opinions, and suggestions.

[janice6]

I guess they can make you do anything that you agree to.

You can do anything you please, while they hold your job hostage.  So I suppose they can fire you for cause (they will find something to justify it).

This is your decision as to how important the job is, relative to your friendship.

[Huaco Kid]

There are many things that my employer wants me to do / not do,  which I completely ignore.

[crockett]

There won't be any legal or other justification to even ask something like that. They would open a nasty can of worms filled with lawyers.

How will they know if you stay in contact with her anyways?

They'd pull a stunt like that on me and I'd make sure to get my retirement settled right there.

Edited November 26, 2018 by crockett

[Dric902]

I don’t see how it’s any of their business of it doesn’t affect your performance.

 

.

[steve4102]

I would not read between these lines.

If they flat out tell you, that you cannot associate with her, then ask why and get it in writing.

What did she do to get canned?  There might be a difference between a personal disagreement and a legal one.  

If she was canned for theft or other serious stuff, ya might want to stay away from her anyway. 

 

[jame]

1 minute ago, steve4102 said:

I would not read between these lines.

If they flat out tell you, that you cannot associate with her, then ask why and get it in writing.

What did she do to get canned?  There might be a difference between a personal disagreement and a legal one.  

If she was canned for theft or other serious stuff, ya might want to stay away from her anyway. 

 

There was some very obvious dislike between them and her, and it was all just a series of digs from both sides, each one getting more and more trivial.  Finally, she gave them a 30 day notice to help with training the replacement, and the told her to get out of the building.

 

Nothing serious.  Just a whole lotta dislike between the two.

[steve4102]

14 minutes ago, jame said:

There was some very obvious dislike between them and her, and it was all just a series of digs from both sides, each one getting more and more trivial.  Finally, she gave them a 30 day notice to help with training the replacement, and the told her to get out of the building.

 

Nothing serious.  Just a whole lotta dislike between the two.

Then ignore it unless it is an official demand.  Then get it in writing.

[Historian]

So. It really depends.  How much do you like your job?  And how important is your image at this job.

What happens in your personal life is generally your world in most places.  You punch your ticket, go home, eat meat loaf (again) and show up at the steel mile the next day.  

What happens between 5:30 and 6:30 is your issue.  

However, if there is a political layer at work...I would  make sure my person and professional life don't mix.  That's generally a good idea.  Don't take your personal life to work and don't take your work to your personal life.

There are exceptions.

When I was in college i looked deeply into the stunning blue eyes of a young lady i knew.  She was blonde haired, stunning in every respect, spoke five languages and was in an advanced PHD/JD program.  By 27 she would be an internationally know journalist, lawyer, and have a doctorate in journalism.

As she she sat on top of me she leaned over me she said in her most stunning Russian accent, "(Insert my real name) I will be horrible for your security clearance."

She...was right. She was literally a series of pages in my back ground check.

 

Edited November 25, 2018 by Historian

[RenoF250]

Quit responding to your work superiors about her.  She is no longer their business.  If they do tell you not to talk to her politely tell them that what you do on your time is none of their business but you will not communicate with her in any way related to your position.  If they can't believe that, why would they believe you quit talking to her at all?

Are these superiors women?

I find it odd for people to call them their superiors.  I just call them managers, management, etc.

[willie-pete]

Don't ask; don't tell.

 

Friendship is a pretty nebulous concept. 

 

Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations.

 

When are your vested for a pension?

[ASH]

your time is your time, theirs is theirs  , BUT  saying that walk a thin line because they can make up anything they want to dump you as well.  

[janice6]

8 minutes ago, ASH said:

your time is your time, theirs is theirs  , BUT  saying that walk a thin line because they can make up anything they want to dump you as well.  

This is the answer to your question!

[Dric902]

56 minutes ago, ASH said:

your time is your time, theirs is theirs  , BUT  saying that walk a thin line because they can make up anything they want to dump you as well.  

Damn, you must work for the same company I do.

millions in training, fire you in a heartbeat 

 

.

Edited November 26, 2018 by Dric902

[BigBull 301]

Just remember anything that is sent/received on the companies computers and phones is company property...emails, texts, voicemails.

Get your own phone for personal use. 

If they're as petty as they seem I would limit my social media contact with your friend, keep it private, if you want to stay employed.

[Moshe]

My job said I couldn't consort with any known criminals (C.I.'s) didn't count.  Also, I couldn't have any political signs in my own yard on my own time.  Interestingly enough, I wasn't supposed to hang out with criminals, but that is all I dealt with on a day to day basis as part of the job, ironically.  I am retired.  I still have a campaign sign from the "Red" House rep that won, and held his seat.

[Al Czervik]

15 hours ago, jame said:

I'll make this as brief as possible in hopes that it will simplify my question.

 

In a nutshell, over the last 2 1/2 years, I was hired and recently promoted to the top spot.  A woman that's been a friend of mine over the last ten years got me the job in the first place.

Fast forward to today, and we're under new management, and they and my friend do NOT get along, so she was released.  Sadly, I had to help her pack her stuff and usher her to her car in the parking lot last Wednesday.

Now today, through a series of text messages from my superior, I have a feeling that they will ask me to dissolve this friendship, and stop all communications with her, regardless of our previous 10 year relationship.

I'm a guy that will step in line and get to work, but this seems to bend me a little sideways.  (As a side note, this industry is predominantly women.  The cattiness is unreal)

I'm 59, towards the tail end of my career.  My friend, obviously, is a pretty good resource.  She got me this job, after all.

I'd love to hear your takes, opinions, and suggestions.

I don't know what industry you are in nor the size of your company, but here is my take, as a broad, sweeping generalization.

Now, obviously, things all depend upon your position, company, its size, systems, maturity, HR, succession planning, etc, but your relationship with the lady no longer employed at your company has likely been discussed by your superiors.  

If you are a critical employee, or "key to retain" type, you have nothing to worry about, at least in the short-term.  If not, and the common thought it that this may be a problem for the company in the future, there is a plan.  If you suddenly acquire new help, get a call from HR, or are given an improvement plan, that plan is in action.

I suggest that you not have any contact with that person on through any company owned communication device.  It sounds like a touchy subject now, but over time, it should fade.

But, I always remind people, EVERYONE is replaceable. 

 

 

[steve4102]

...and don't ever, ever, be in a room alone with a female co-worker, or alone anywhere.

If you must, invest in a recording devise and capture everything every time.

[SC Tiger]

16 hours ago, jame said:

I'll make this as brief as possible in hopes that it will simplify my question.

 

In a nutshell, over the last 2 1/2 years, I was hired and recently promoted to the top spot.  A woman that's been a friend of mine over the last ten years got me the job in the first place.

Fast forward to today, and we're under new management, and they and my friend do NOT get along, so she was released.  Sadly, I had to help her pack her stuff and usher her to her car in the parking lot last Wednesday.

Now today, through a series of text messages from my superior, I have a feeling that they will ask me to dissolve this friendship, and stop all communications with her, regardless of our previous 10 year relationship.

I'm a guy that will step in line and get to work, but this seems to bend me a little sideways.  (As a side note, this industry is predominantly women.  The cattiness is unreal)

I'm 59, towards the tail end of my career.  My friend, obviously, is a pretty good resource.  She got me this job, after all.

I'd love to hear your takes, opinions, and suggestions.

CAN they?  Maybe.  They can tell you things you are not to discuss with her.  Probably even tell you not to contact her on company time.

But to tell you that you cannot be friends with her at all is pretty much a dick move.  

[SC Tiger]

14 hours ago, willie-pete said:

Don't ask; don't tell.

 

Friendship is a pretty nebulous concept. 

 

Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations.

 

When are your vested for a pension?

This from a guy who's job it was to blow **** up......

[stk10767]

16 hours ago, steve4102 said:

Then ignore it unless it is an official demand.  Then get it in writing.

It’s amazing how people’s tunes change when you tell them to put it in writing.  

[Fnfalman]

Make records of everything because if an employer or a superior representing an employer were to give me a command on who I am to associate with; a command and not a suggestion, then I'd report it to HR and then wait to see if they'd be looking to fire me.  Then I'll take all those records to a shyster lawyer and sue the company for wrongful termination.  That's just me.

 

However, it is very important to report it to the company's HR and keep a record of that report, because that sounds like a workplace hostile work environment claim to me:  a superior is telling you who to socialize and associate it on your own time due to pettiness.  If you don't report the incident to HR then good luck with suing them because the company can claim that they didn't know about the problem and didn't get the opportunity to address the issue.

[willie-pete]

30 minutes ago, SC Tiger said:

This from a guy who's job it was to blow **** up......

Well, to be entirely accurate; my job was to EVAPORATE things.

 

But blow **** up works for me too.

[Huaco Kid]

36 minutes ago, willie-pete said:

Well, to be entirely accurate; my job was to EVAPORATE things.

I evaporated Thanksgiving Part II last night.

And everyone ran out onto the porch.

[SC Tiger]

2 hours ago, willie-pete said:

Well, to be entirely accurate; my job was to EVAPORATE things.

 

But blow **** up works for me too.

So basically you were a glorified microwave operator?