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Eric

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6 hours ago, Huaco Kid said:

I saw a tv thing,  where some animal-rights group was pulling an undercover video capture at an animal pound.  They had a huge metal box with a lawnmower engine hooked to it.  The pound-guy was explaining that they had to put the older dogs in first,  because if you put the puppies in first,  the older dogs would freak when it was their turn.

Then the pound-guy noticed their camera and called them out,  on video.

"You don't like this??  Neither do I.  Back your car up here and take them all home with you?  No? You "can't"?  Give us enough money to feed them today and then come back tomorrow and give us more money.  No?  You "can't"?  Call someone to come get them.  At least take one with you.  No?  Either take them,  or pull that rope on the engine.  Or do we just let them starve?  You decide."

Roughly quoted "And God gave man dominion over all the creatures." Pardon the pun, but boy have we screwed the pooch!

 

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An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

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Shamelessly stolen:

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said: ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,”he said.

“Very good” Who said: ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth’?”

Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing. “Let’s try one a bit more difficult. Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?”

Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Little Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “F___ the Japs.”

“Who said that? I want to know right now!” …she angrily demanded.

Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.

“The teacher glares around and asks, “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost mob hysteria, someone said, “You little ****! If you say anything else, I’ll kill you!”

Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.”

The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh ****, we’re screwed!”

Little Akio said quietly, “The American public if Joe Biden gets elected.”

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