M&M Breeding Program

[Schmidt Meister]

M&M – Breeding Program

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the green and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." and send it to:

M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ
17840-1503 U.S.A.

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

[Rellik]

Careful wid dis.  Dat green ones will make you horny.  

[kerbie18]

I can only imagine how that conversation went when they opened your latest letter. "This nutcase keeps mailing us back a single M&M. Do we file a restraining order? Nah, bribe him with some free candy and maybe he'll leave us alone for a while."

[DAKA]

4 hours ago, Schmidt Meister said:

M&M – Breeding Program

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the green and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." and send it to:

M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ
17840-1503 U.S.A.

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

[Schmidt Meister]

9 minutes ago, kerbie18 said:

I can only imagine how that conversation went when they opened your latest letter. "This nutcase keeps mailing us back a single M&M. Do we file a restraining order? Nah, bribe him with some free candy and maybe he'll leave us alone for a while."

I, on the other hand, think if they are fully functional adult human being with even a modicum of a sense of humor, probably laugh their ass off and say something like, "Send that crazy mf'er a coupon" and then they go on with their lives, no harm done. They get a laugh and I get free M&M's. Quid Pro Quo, the way of the world.

[DAKA]

11 hours ago, Schmidt Meister said:

I, on the other hand, think if they are fully functional adult human being with even a modicum of a sense of humor, probably laugh their ass off and say something like, "Send that crazy mf'er a coupon" and then they go on with their lives, no harm done. They get a laugh and I get free M&M's. Quid Pro Quo, the way of the world.

Gotta" give credit where it's due   ... FREE M&M's are the best kind...

I kinda' like the DARK CHOCOLATE PEANUT ones,,......,hard to locate