Bill's Stories about Things and Stuff

[Eric]

Here is a pic of my Uncle Jack, my father’s brother. 

[crossmember]

in school shop class I was building a custom 7mm rifle from an pld mauser.  fireworks were illegal in the state of arizona but dynamite was not so some pretty interesting detonations were created......we had an english teacher who was retiring at the end offff the 57 school year so she treated herself to a new car.  the only car the dealer had in a color she liked was a 57 dodge D500 2dr hardtop with two four barrel carbs.  a few days after she   started driving it a couple of guys jacked up her rear tires and put a half watermelon under each tire.  When came out to go home most ooof the cars in front of her were gone.   sh got in her car, fired it up, and   pushed the gas, waiting for something to happen and when it didn't happen right away, she pushed harder,and harder still.  when she finally burned through the two two watermelon rinds her rear tires were doing about 120mph.  by the time she thought it would be a  good idea to take her foot off the gas and hit the brake she'd used up most of the open space in front of her.  when she did hit the brake the rear tires were still spinning but the car was only doing 15 or 20 mph.   when she found out what happened she hated teenages more than usual.

[crossmember]

chemistry class could be an adventure in itself at miami high.  one day everyone dumped their experiments down the sink drains and somewhere down drain two of the chemicals had serious disagreeement.  the resultng chemical reaction burned the 14 ft high ceiling in the exact patterof the sink drain grates.  another time a guy whipped up a small vial of impact sensitive explosive (some say nitroglicerine, I think mercury fulminate) and when he heard someone comin, put it outside on the windowsill.  the breeze created by the closing of the door blew the vial off the ledge and down onto the home economics window ledge.  the explosion blew tha window casing down into that empty classroom.  folks got pretty excited about that.

[crossmember]

My dad worked with a guy who was one of the most successful lion hunting guides in arizona.  one year the guy was going on vacation and asked my dad if he would feed his lion dogs while he was away and my dad agreed.  one evening dad was feeding the dogs when he heard a commotion from a shed on the other side of the property.  he went to check and found some really pissed off lions.  pissed cause they hadn't been fed yet.  the guy had someone feeding the cats, and he  was late.  my dad figured the  reason for the guy's success.  when the giuy was out with a hunting party his partner would drop a cat right in front of the dogs.  his  partner got nervous and turned him in.

[crossmember]

ONE DAY I SHOWED UP AT MIAMI HIGH WITH A WHOLE BOX OF "LIL SPLODEYS", LITTLE SILVER FULMINATE POPPERS THAT EXPLODE WHEN THROWN OR STEPPED ON.  THEY HAD A LOT MORE POP THAN TODAY'S POPPERS HAVE.  I DECIDED IT WOULD BE A HELLUVA GOOD IDEA TO GRAB A BIG HANDFULL OF POPEERS AND SPREAD THEM AS FAR UP THAT HALL AS POSSIBLE.  THE FIRST PERSON TO FALL VICTIM TO MY LITTLE PRANK WAS THAT PURPLE HAIRED ENGLISH TEACHER, THE ONE WHAT BOUGHT THE NEW DODGE D500.  SHE LEFT THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, HEADED FOR HER CLASSROOM THREE DOORS UP THE HALL.  HER FIRST STEP OUT THE DOOR SHE HIT ONE, AND WENT INTO OVERDRIVE.  HER SECOND STEP SHE HIT ANOTHER, AND WENT ITO DOUBLE OVERDRIVE.  EVERY STEP SHE HIT ANOTHER, OR TWO.  SHE SOUNDED LIKE A SMALL CALIBER MACHINE GUN GOING UP THAT HALL..  SHE WAS NOT A HAPPY CAMPER.....................  THE JANITOR SWEPT THEM UP BUT DIDN'T GET THEM ALL.  FOR A WEEK AFTERWARD YOU WOULD HEAR THE OCCASSIONAL BANG, FOLLOWED BY A FOUL OBSCENITY OR SCREAM, DEPENDING ON THE GENDER OF   THE PERSON THAT STEPPED ON IT

Edited July 20, 2018 by crossmember

[crossmember]

THE NIGHT I SCARED ERIC AND PISSED OFF HIS CAT

one night eric and i were sitting in my office visiting when i pulled out one of a half dozen .22 LR rounds that i had pulled the bullet from, dumped most of the powder, and re-installed the slug.     eric noticed what i was doing when i had clamped it in a pair of pliers and  was preparing to smack it with another tool.  he started looking for a hidy hole, cause he thouht it was live.  he relaxed when he heard the little flat pop it made.

his cat, on the other hand, was lying on my desk as relaxed as a cat can be without being dead when that thing went off.  the cat was totally pissed and tried to trash the office to prove it.

OH YEAH, ONE FUN THING TO DO WITH SOME OF THAT LOOSE  POWDER IS TO SPRINKLE IT IN SOME   GUY'S ASH TRAY.  IF IT DON'T BURN HIS KNUCKLES TOO BAD HE MAY THINK ITS FUNNY LATER.

Edited July 27, 2018 by crossmember
FORGOT SOMETHING

[Eric]

I thought I would bring this back up to the top. It is one of my father's old stories threads.

[Prescott]

I loved your dad's surprised slicky boy stories! I'm glad you resurrected this thread.

I also love your uncle's truck. I'd give my left nut for one like it. How long was he a cop for? Was it in the Superior AZ area? Did you ever get to ride along with him when you were a kid?

[Swampfox762]

On 7/20/2018 at 1:04 PM, crossmember said:

ONE DAY I SHOWED UP AT MIAMI HIGH WITH A WHOLE BOX OF "LIL SPLODEYS", LITTLE SILVER FULMINATE POPPERS THAT EXPLODE WHEN THROWN OR STEPPED ON.  THEY HAD A LOT MORE POP THAN TODAY'S POPPERS HAVE.  I DECIDED IT WOULD BE A HELLUVA GOOD IDEA TO GRAB A BIG HANDFULL OF POPEERS AND SPREAD THEM AS FAR UP THAT HALL AS POSSIBLE.  THE FIRST PERSON TO FALL VICTIM TO MY LITTLE PRANK WAS THAT PURPLE HAIRED ENGLISH TEACHER, THE ONE WHAT BOUGHT THE NEW DODGE D500.  SHE LEFT THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, HEADED FOR HER CLASSROOM THREE DOORS UP THE HALL.  HER FIRST STEP OUT THE DOOR SHE HIT ONE, AND WENT INTO OVERDRIVE.  HER SECOND STEP SHE HIT ANOTHER, AND WENT ITO DOUBLE OVERDRIVE.  EVERY STEP SHE HIT ANOTHER, OR TWO.  SHE SOUNDED LIKE A SMALL CALIBER MACHINE GUN GOING UP THAT HALL..  SHE WAS NOT A HAPPY CAMPER.....................  THE JANITOR SWEPT THEM UP BUT DIDN'T GET THEM ALL.  FOR A WEEK AFTERWARD YOU WOULD HEAR THE OCCASSIONAL BANG, FOLLOWED BY A FOUL OBSCENITY OR SCREAM, DEPENDING ON THE GENDER OF   THE PERSON THAT STEPPED ON IT

Damn...I remember them things, but your dads stories are WAY better than any of mine.  Them Suckers were FUN Though!!

[Swampfox762]

57 minutes ago, Eric said:

I thought I would bring this back up to the top. It is one of my father's old stories threads.

Pretty cool dude...

[Eric]

2 hours ago, Prescott said:

I loved your dad's surprised slicky boy stories! I'm glad you resurrected this thread.

I also love your uncle's truck. I'd give my left nut for one like it. How long was he a cop for? Was it in the Superior AZ area? Did you ever get to ride along with him when you were a kid?

Yeah, he worked that area and all along the Rim Country. He was a lawman for 35 years. Quite a bit of it was up in Alaska as well. He died of a heart attack on the job up there, in early 2003. I never got to do a ridealong. He was a good guy. I remember driving my father and his wife up to Strawberry for Uncle Jack's funeral. We spent a whole day exploring the mountains around Globe/Miami (We had the funeral there and spread the ashes a cabin a few miles from Strawberry, about a mile from the edge of the Rim). My father's clan moved from Mississippi to Globe/Miami in the mid-fifties, to get work at the copper mines. I still have a lot of kin in the area and along the Rim.

[Eric]

For those of you wondering what the Rim is, I am referring to the Mogollon Rim. AZ is an amazing state.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mogollon_Rim

 

[Prescott]

The Mogollon Rim country is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. It sounds like your uncle got a hell of a fine resting place.

[Eric]

Just now, Prescott said:

The Mogollon Rim country is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. It sounds like your uncle got a hell of a fine resting place.

It absolutely is. I've spent a lot of time up there. I was born in Miami, AZ, BTW. Have you ever been to Crown King? Taken 'Senator Highway' the back way into Prescott? AZ has so many incredible places to explore.

[Eric]

2 hours ago, Prescott said:

I loved your dad's surprised slicky boy stories! I'm glad you resurrected this thread.

I also love your uncle's truck. I'd give my left nut for one like it. How long was he a cop for? Was it in the Superior AZ area? Did you ever get to ride along with him when you were a kid?

Here is a pic of Uncle Jack taken in the fifties, when he was a cop in Globe/Miami.

[pipedreams]

Good to see these again.  Still laugh at the one about the hog going across the paddy with the bicycle tied to it's back. 

[Prescott]

9 hours ago, Eric said:

It absolutely is. I've spent a lot of time up there. I was born in Miami, AZ, BTW. Have you ever been to Crown King? Taken 'Senator Highway' the back way into Prescott? AZ has so many incredible places to explore.

I lived off of Senator Highway south of Goldwater Lake for many years. I make the drive from Prescott out to Crown King and down to Cleator a few times every year. Crown King is a great little town. 

[Eric]

2 hours ago, Prescott said:

I lived off of Senator Highway south of Goldwater Lake for many years. I make the drive from Prescott out to Crown King and down to Cleator a few times every year. Crown King is a great little town. 

I very nearly dropped a $1k 1911 pistol into the outhouse at the saloon up there once.  I love going up there. AZ is full of hidden treasures like that.

[Swampfox762]

7 hours ago, pipedreams said:

Good to see these again.  Still laugh at the one about the hog going across the paddy with the bicycle tied to it's back. 

I just read that one.  2017.  Funny as HELL!!!